Guy Who Wants To Overthrow Government Claims His Magic BlueTooth Speakers Cure COVID-19
Back in December, we told you about a few of the disturbed individuals planning some messed up shit during Joe Biden's inauguration. You may recall that one of them had planned to do a MILLION MILITIA MARCH with maybe all 650 of his followers on Parler. If not, well ...
Well! It turns out that this guy is some kind of aspiring Jacob Wohl, as he sent out a press release yesterday about how he sells magic BlueTooth speakers that can cure COVID-19. Amazing!
I'm going to drop a screencap and then eliminate his last name from the typed out transcript, because obviously this dude is trying to be some kind of alt-right celebrity, and we don't need to be helping him out with that while he's still relatively anonymous. You know he's spending a lot of time Googling himself today. We wouldn't even report on it, except for the fact that it is one of the funniest goddamned things I have ever read in my life and now everyone needs to see it.
I can never resist some quality delusions of grandeur.
Before you read this, I would just like to note that one of the many imaginary companies that he lists himself as CEO of on his LinkedIn page is a public relations firm. Just keep that in mind.
Palm Springs, The Left Coast — Vic F*****, CEO of Victory Group, USA and Victory Audio has proclaimed that his company's BlueTooth Speaker will end the global pandemic. "The so-called 'pandemic' is a 'Big Lie' propped up by a lot of static from the media, and our speaker cuts through the noise with stunning clarity." says CEO Vic ******.
So the pandemic doesn't exist ... but his speakers (which cost $999, I looked it up) will cure it. Okay.
F********, or "The Vic" as he prefers to be addressed, says the pandemic will vaporize in the heat generated by his company which he refers to as, "An American Economic WMD".
"THE VIC." He prefers to be called "The Vic." He gave himself his own nickname, and it is "The Vic." A somewhat ironic choice, given that if he goes through with his Inauguration day plans, people will be calling him "The Perp." That is a Dad joke for people who watch way too much "Law and Order."
According to F******, the failure of business leaders to inject reason into the mass hysteria is largely responsible for the "prolonged state of not-so-temporary insanity" he feels the United States has largely succumbed to, "I am bitterly disappointed by the deafening silence we've heard from business leaders," says "The Vic", "These billionaires already got rich with the opportunities the free market system of America provided them, so what do they care if everyone else gets to enjoy the hellish poverty of Global Communism?
OH. So this whole "BlueTooth Speakers that cure COVID" thing was just a ruse, meant to provide a platform for "The Vic" to criticize billionaire business leaders for ... acknowledging that there is a pandemic? Because now we all have to "enjoy the hellish poverty of Global Communism"?
Rude, because I was very much ready to believe in virus-curing speakers.
Not to nitpick The Vic, but if there were "Global Communism," it seems highly unlikely that these billionaire business leaders would remain billionaire business leaders. Unless he does not actually know what communism is. We can probably safely assume that this is what's going on here.
Elon Musk is the only business leader I've seen even question this nonsense, nonsense which is quickly revealed by grade school math skills, but he thinks humans going to a planet with no oxygen is a good idea so he doesn't count.
Yeah, but once you get into algebra, you forget how to disprove the existence of viruses that are killing hundreds of thousands of people. Probably if we all dropped out of school after 6th grade, we would understand what "The Vic" was on about. And we would also be very upset about the rich and famous not using their platforms to advance our weird ideas.
It's a damn shame, I mean the masses worship famous and wealthy people and would listen to them just as well as Anderson Cooper or Rachel Maddow. But we get nothing but Communist propaganda from our famous rich Americans for the love of Marx, and that's one of the reasons I decided to be famous and rich myself.
I too have decided to become famous and rich. When do I start?
Oh thing are going to change believe me, they can bet their bottom Chinese Yuan".
You are welcome for the absolute gift that is that closing line. Thing are going to change! I believe it! Just not in the way "The Vic" thinks they are.
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.
Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse