Guys? Shut The Fuck Up About Nancy Pelosi


Did you know Nancy Pelosi is literally the devil and everything bad is her fault? It's true! You see, Jon Ossoff was supposed to win 300% of the vote in the heavily Republican (R+20!) 6th District of Georgia, but instead of that, asshole Republican Karen Handel and Republican super PACs said Ossoff was a San Francisco Values Nancy Lesbian Pelosi, and because they wouldn't stop saying her name, Ossoff lost like a loser Hillary Clinton, and this means the Democratic brand is DEAD, just like very smart Republican pollster Frank Luntz said.

At least this is the truth if you listen to a small but yappy contingent of snowflake Democrats and non-Democrats who apparently don't know how to read election data, and who seem to literally think that because Democrats lost this year's special elections, Nancy Pelosi should crawl under a rock and die because A) IT'S HER FAULT and B) Those were totally winnable races, as long as you don't study them too closely!

Let's run through some quotes from Pelosi haters real quick, so that we may learn from their combined centuries of experience in Democratic politics:

"We need leadership change," New York Democratic Rep. Kathleen Rice told CNN outside the House chamber. "It's time for Nancy Pelosi to go, and the entire leadership team." [...]

Massachusetts Democratic Rep. Seth Moulton echoed Rice's complaints in an interview with CNN's Jake Tapper. "This is certainly something that we have to discuss because it's clear that, I think, across the board in the Democratic Party we need new leadership. It's time for a new generation of leadership in the party." [...]

[Ohio Rep. Tim] Ryan told reporters Wednesday "there's a level of depression" among members and said bluntly, "Our brand is toxic."

Several House Democrats believe the GOP playbook of linking Democratic candidates to Pelosi is hurting.

"They tried it once and it worked. It's like the gift that keeps on giving," Rice said.

Also too:

“I think you’d have to be an idiot to think we could win the House with Pelosi at the top,” said Rep. Filemon Vela (D-Texas), who supported Pelosi in her last leadership race. “Nancy Pelosi is not the only reason that Ossoff lost. But she certainly is one of the reasons.”

You get the idea. And there are a couple more, if you want to read those!

Did you know that, according to CNN, there was a House Democratic caucus meeting on Wednesday, and Nancy Pelosi had the utter "who the fuck does she think she is" audacity to say that, even though they lost this year's special elections, Democrats are looking really good in a lot of other districts currently held by Republicans? What the fuck, Nancy, with your "facts" and shit? What good are they even? "Facts" are for the "establishment," a convenient label we use for whomever we feel like attacking that day!

We explained Wednesday that, despite how Democrats lost these special elections (LIKE BIG PELOSI LOSERS), the trends DO look very good for Democrats going into next year's midterms. In each of the four races -- all of which were in districts NEVER seriously contested by Democrats, because they are BLOOD RED -- the Democratic candidates all made historically good showings. In the Kansas race to replace Republican Mike Pompeo, now Trump's CIA director, the Democrat only lost by 7 points. In November, Pompeo won re-election by THIRTY FUCKING GODDAMN POINTS.

But those stunning gains are obviously irrelevant because OMG REPUBLICANS MAKE COMMERCIALS THAT SAY NANCY PELOSI IS A LIBERAL BITCH! Shouldn't we ignore Pelosi's years of experience as an incredibly effective leader -- hey you know that Obamacare you're fighting to save right now? Nancy built that -- and choose a new leader, so the GOP can start branding that person as a Hippiesexual Abortionista Muslim? Don't we need a fucking FRESH START?

(History sidenote: In 2009, when the shoe was on the other foot, there were special elections in the House to replace Obama appointees, and the GOP didn't pick up any of those seats either. Yet in 2010, the GOP cleaned fucking house in the Teabagger midterms, so we guess those special elections weren't an indication that the GOP brand was completely dead in 2009. But this is DIFFERENT! Because REASONS! And it definitely doesn't have anything to do with SEXISM!)

Let's look at a couple more quotes from House Democrats who are GRRR MAD at Nancy Pelosi right now:

“In the end, I think the margin of victory [in GA-06] were people who were determined not to allow the news media and Nancy Pelosi and Hollywood liberals to defeat Donald Trump in their district, and I think that was probably the margin of victory,” [Newt] Gingrich said.

The former speaker joked that he would hate to see Democrats make a change in leadership away from Pelosi, their current minority leader in the House. “We have all the ads done,” Gingrich said. “We know exactly how to run against a Nancy Pelosi-run party.”

HAHA WE MAKE JOKE. That's Newt Gingrich, Mike Huckabee and Fuckhead McOrange trolling Democrats. Sure, Republicans have a convenient foil in Nancy Pelosi, but if she's removed, they'll just find a new foil. They're nasty people and their base voters are idiots. Look how they shush Kamala Harris and call Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas" and how Fox News is never more than one rage fit away from calling Maxine Waters the N-word. (Wonder what all those women have in common, oh that's right it's being women.)

Guys? There's an actual reason they hate Nancy Pelosi, which is that she's incredibly good at her job. Do you really believe Republicans would be terrified of a new Democratic leader without Pelosi's decades of experience in keeping a caucus together? If so, READ A BOOK.

Nancy Pelosi understands this. She held a presser this morning and specifically responded to Trump's tweet about her, saying "Usually they go after the most effective leaders because they want to diminish the opportunity that we have.” AYUP! She added:

“I am proud of the unity that we have had and, frankly, my leadership in terms of keeping everybody together,” she said.

“I think I’m worth the trouble.”

Here's her whole presser, if you want to watch it:

In conclusion, STFU about Pelosi, just like we said in the headline. WONKETTE OUT.

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[CNN / Politico / ibid.]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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