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Derp.


Shut the front door right now, Sarah Palin, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Oh, we see, your moose chili bubbleth over with rage over that inexperienced "half-term" Canadian-Cuban Senator Ted Cruz, because he was mean to stupid Trump supporters like Sarah Palin:

Where's information on any Cruz success whilst in his short, half-term U.S. Senate seat, proving his resume's advantage over another career politicians's [sic, LOL] lawyerly executive inexperience that includes never having created a single private sector job, but boasting of his constitutional law teacher creds? (Remember America experimented with that resume before; how'd that work out for the country?)

HAHAHAHA OH GOD, OUR SIDES ARE TO BE HURTING RIGHT NOW. Sarah Palin ... just called Ted Cruz ... "half-term."

Let us count the ways that is hilarious.

  • We seem to remember this little thing that happened in 2009, after Sarah Palin the inexperienced half-term governor of Alaska, whom John McCain was ready to catapult, Bumpit first, into being second in line to the fucking presidency, quit her job as governor, because governor-ing was tooooooo hard. Remember that? Sarah Palin did that. Yes, this Sarah Palin, the same one we are talking about who said the thing about Ted Cruz. Seriously.

Do you really need another bullet point? OK fine:

  • Hey remember that time Sarah Palin quit her job as governor just a little over halfway through, comparing herself to that other famous half-term quitter governor Wasilla dumpster heap General Douglas MacArthur as she closed her speech? A refresher:

    In the words of General MacArthur said, "We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction."

Aw shitfuck, that was the same bullet point. Guess we were LOLing too hard to notice we were redundantly word salading like a common Palin.

Fine, we will list like three other ways this is hilarious, and then we'll quit this post:

  • Remember when Sarah Palin took her massive half-term gubernatorial experience (imagine Sarah trying to say "gubernatorial" right now, DO IT!) on the road on a giant bus tour, where she did some campaignin' and historical site-visitin', but then she quitted it, wait for it, HALFWAY THROUGH?
  • Then there was her other special grift, where she set up a special YouTube channel so she could bilk her followers out of their hard earned Social Security checks from the privacy of her own Wasillan Winter Fortress or Arizona Trash Castle, wherever she happened to be getting her nails did at the time. The Sarah Palin Channel, it was called! She gained a lot of "experience" doing that, until she quit it.
  • Oh oh oh! Here is another way Sarah has CERTAINLY gotten a lot more experience in running countries 'n' shit. Remember all those times she's halfway pretended she was going to halfway run to be a half-term senator from Alaska, except for she never actually did it, because Sarah Palin is such a massive quitter-grifter that she quits things before they even happen and STILL MANAGES TO GRIFT OFF THEM?

Christ, the woman is about as good at accruing actual political experience as Bristol is at knowing how babies are made.

So what did Ted Cruz say that got Sarah The Quitter-Grifter Empress Of The Snowdrifts all het up? Oh, just that Trump supporters are "low information" dumbshits. Now granted, it's KIND OF funny how Ted Cruz is saying Trump supporters are morons. It's kind of like a particularly stupid pot calling a really dumb kettle a potato. Especially when Trump says he loves "the poorly educated," so he probably likes the "low information" types too. Can we all harmoniously come together and agree that whether you are a Cruz supporter OR a Trump supporter, chances are you're a total fucking dumbass who needs a helmet for your own protection?

[contextly_sidebar id="ExLzDKAHVsKNyi54JTGeWKASDYbldqTC"]But Sarah Palin, though. Oh man. Half-term Sarah Palin. Yr Loving Wonkette would like to simply suggest (JUST SAYING, and only because we care) that maybe this is not the best way for you to help get your boy Trump's little rage schlong into the Oval Office. You probably should stick to showing up at Trump rallies drunk while your son's in jail for beating ladies or something, that seemed to work OK.

[Sarah Palin Facebook via JoeMyGod]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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