Hang On, Trump And McConnell Still Beating Shit Out Of Each Other Over Obamacare
Check out all these stinkers trying to pretend it was the other guy who farted! Since the Obamacare repeal flamed out in July, the entire GOP clubhouse has smelled like raw sewage. All the old white guys are standing around wrinkling their noses and throwing each other accusing glances. Only the orange blowhard is boorish enough to come right out and shout, "WHO CUT THE CHEESE? OPEN A WINDOW, WILL YA! I'M DYIN' IN HERE!"
Whose idea was it to let that guy in? Did anyone check his references?
Right. So the president, who is definitely NOT a short-fingered vulgarian with inferior endowments, has been shit tweeting that he's going to take away Congress's health care if they don't come back here right now and destroy the American insurance market.
For the most part, Republicans have clenched their cheeks and held it in. But Monday, the pressure overwhelmed Mitch McConnell, and he finally let it rip in a roomful of Rotarians in rural Kentucky.
— FOX Business (@FoxBusiness) August 9, 2017
Our new president, of course, has not been in this line of work before. And I think he had excessive expectations about how quickly things happen in the democratic process. So part of the reason I think people feel we’re underperforming is because too many artificial deadlines — unrelated to the reality of the complexity of legislating — may not have been fully understood.
Which is Turtle talk for, "Listen, you ignorant Gasbag! We all made a load of bullshit promises on the assumption that Americans would never be dumb enough to elect you. Just shut up and go watch television while the adults try to cobble together something that we can call a win."
It took a couple of days, but the stench finally wafted up north. First to New York, where the Duke of Derp holds court.
And then to New Jersey, where the White House social media director, who was managing Trump's golf course two years ago, tweeted smack at the Senate Majority Leader from his own party.
Remember when Obama's social media director, former Twitter executive Jason Goldman, shit talked Harry Reid?
NO. YOU DON'T. BECAUSE IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED.
But after lunch, the Presiderp finally caught a whiff and shouted, "I knew it was you, Mitch! You cut a big fart! Mitch is a Turtle Farter!" MORE OR LESS.
And he's still at it this morning.
Which must be awkward for Mrs. Turtle Farter, being a member of Trump's cabinet. But more to the point, have these guys never heard of Saint Ronald of California and his Eleventh Commandment?
What the hell is going on over there on the Red Team? Trump ran actual attack ads against Dean Heller, the most vulnerable senator up in 2018. Jeff Flake is having an attack of conscience about Trump, and getting menaced for it by the RNC chair, who is suddenly more interested in protecting a sitting president than holding a senate seat.
Ron Johnson is speculating that John McCain's brain tumor caused him to save Obamacare. McCain is joking that people wish he were dead - and we're pretty sure he means people on his own side of the aisle! And the House Freedom Caucus is threatening to cut Paul Ryan's nuts off next month over the debt ceiling. Republicans have lost their damn minds!
Not that we're complaining! If Republicans want to start brawling instead of cutting food stamps and Medicaid so they can hand wads of cash to millionaires, that is fine by us! But as for which Republican is responsible for the stink in Washington, that is most definitely AOTK.
Put some money in the till so we can stop making fart jokes already! And also so we can pay the rent now that we got rid of those smelly ads!
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.