Donate

Happy Birthday Fake President Obama -- We Found Yr 'Bird Certificate'

News

BAM! Sucker, now resign, or be impeached, because you are a bird now. "WHAT BIRDS LIVE TO BE 48?" doubters like Dave Weigel will ask, and all we have to say is, do you have anything that looks *more* legitimate, excluding that "short-form abortion car registration & title" or whatever it was that Robert Gibbs sent the Daily Kos' Kos last year? Exactly. Congratulations to human Mike P. who sent in the document for our Wonkette Contest. Mike wins a Wonkette T-Shirt! E-mail us, Mike, so we can clothe you! As for you other *losers,* sorry. Let's show some other finalist submissions (demi-losers) below.


Oh well look at this, "Mark" sends us a picture of a giraffe. WE GET IT, GIRAFFES ARE FROM AFRICA, LIKE THE BLACKS. "Mark" is a racist!

"MjP" knows who fabricated all of Orly Taintz's terrible fake Obama birth certificates: that guy from teevee, the hippie painter, who is probably dead! (?)

"Ray S." sends us a creepy porn letter that Bill Clinton sent him. Get over it Bill! Do your own dirty laundry!

Ha ha ha, of course. Did you know that "Dollar Bill" Jefferson's trial just finished its fourth day of jury deliberations? "Teresa M."'s revelation here could complicate things.

Veteran commenter-chieftain "SayItWithWookies" is worried about dipping into cliche here, and thus wants to whine to everyone about all the detail he put in: "I'd just like to point out the flowers that spell out Birfers, and the visages of Rev. Lou Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh, Ayn Rand, Michele Bachmann, the All-Seeing Eye from the United States Seal and Priss the replicant from Blade Runner. Oh, and a KKK hood that I almost forgot was there." Whatever, but fyi: we need to use the term "replicants" much more if we want to remain a proper nerd site.

"r-deen" gives us the top "Sure, why not, here's one of those cat things" entry of the contest.

"Mo Miller, Mo Problems" goes with fancy bookish Science here, and is thus banned from all further Wonkette contests.

Thanks to everyone else who participated in this contest of vague guidelines! Happy birthday to Barack Obama! Your editors have sent the White House its annual gift of Myrrh.

$
Donate with CC

It was bound to happen. We're now watching Republican congressmen react to Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office and saying "RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING" during an interview with George Stephanopoulos, literally inviting hostile foreign powers to attack the 2020 election for him like Russia did in 2016. And if you thought there wouldn't be at least one of them to say the quiet part loud and state for the record that crime is good if it helps Republicans win, then you haven't been paying attention to the Republican party in quite a while.

Enter GOP Rep. Chris Stewart of Utah, who sits on the House Intelligence Committee, AKA the committee whose members really should know better, even the Republicans, but unfortunately they don't because A) they're idiots and B) they've been sucking at Devin Nunes's dairy cows' teats (ALLEGEDLY) for too long:

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc