No, here's to YOU.
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the best first lady in the history of U.S. America, who will continue to hold that title for the rest of all time, and who will continue to be first lady long after Melon Trump and Vank-Vank are exiled to Siberia to live with their real dad Vladimir.
We are of course talking about Betty White, who turns 95 today!
JUST FOOLING, we are talking about Michelle Obama, our once and future queen, who is free to -- after she gets birthday lovesexxx from Our President Barry, and also flowers and chocolates and whatever other charms she wants -- declare herself empress for life and thus cancel Donald Trump's inauguration.
We are very sorry so many lifetime residents of the Basket of Deplorables spent Barry's entire presidency talking shit about this beautiful, intelligent, classy woman, who never wanted anything more than to let girls around the world learn and make those Deplorables' kids a little more healthy and a little less full of early onset dia-beet-us.
She's been a role model for girls and women and boys and men and black folks and white folks and gays and straights and trans folks, and she made racists CRAZY every time they saw her in the White House. So we can thank her for that too!
Oh, and did we mention she is an incredible mom? She is an incredible mom.
Let's look at some awesome pictures of her, to celebrate her 53rd birthday:
Michelle Obama right after she smacked Stephen Colbert in the blanket fort
MC FLOTUS
YAY, MICHELLE OBAMA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We will never do a post like this for Melania Trump!
For a quick comparison, and to prove the #ScienceFact that Michelle Obama is the best ever, let's look at pictures of the OTHER people named "Michelle" (or "Michele") that Wonkette's written about over the years:
In conclusion, Michelle Obama is the greatest human being alive, and you may now commence to yapping in your open thread.
