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Happy Christmas, Heathens!

News
  • The Obamas are going to have turkey and ham for Christmas. Wait, isn't that against their religion? [Washington Post]
  • The Chicago airport was designed and built by Lucifer himself, who put a fancy "twist" on the hellscape by shrouding it in a six-foot layer of snow and ice. These days O'Hare airport specializes in ensnaring honeymooning Irish people, who will never visit America again. [Los Angeles Times]
  • Huzzah, the New Depression has not prevented modern Brits -- whose founding father Charles Dickens invented Christmas -- from affirming their most basic values on the most important day of the year. Which is to say, they are all shopping their pants off instead of going to church. [Guardian]
  • Meanwhile, Iraqi Christians are celebrating this blessed day by going to church and getting patted down by security guards checking for bombs. [Reuters]
  • The real Maria von Trapp's real and actual grandson is a DISH. [New York Times]
  • Science proves it: Sleep is good for you! And so back to bed. [ABC News]
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