Happy Loyalty Day, Fascists!

Where have I been? Got any what? Who have I seen? I spy a May queen, You were miles above me - WonketteHey everybody, it's not May Day after all! Congress took care of that homosexuality back in 1958. It's crazy that so many of America's Precious Freedoms weren't made up by psychotic red baiters until the '50s, yet it's totally true! For instance, there was no mention of the gods in the jingoistic "Pledge of Allegiance" until 1954, when the McCarthyites decided to add "under God" to the already idiotic madrassa chant.

Learn why you feel all loyal and sticky today, after the loyalty jump.

(We also didn't let our precious money trust the extremely untrustworthy "God" until the 1860s, when rising Jesus Freakery forced the Treasury to put that "In God We Trust" lie on U.S. currency for the first time. Also, Civil War. Makes people nutty.)

Anyway, in a desperate attempt to smash the last traces of socialism in America -- which were all actually returned and expanded upon during the Johnson-Nixon era -- Congress made May Day into "Loyalty Day" 49 years ago.

The first attempt to kill May Day -- itself the old pagan hippie Renaissance Faire spring equinox festival in Europe -- was something called "Americanization Day," which was introduced in 1921 and totally ignored due to ragtime or something. Gin fizz, maybe? Anyway, May Day continued as an annual outdoor sex party in America until the 1950s.

We don't remember Clinton mentioning the forgotten "Happy Days" relic of past government-enforced patriotism -- he was too busy getting blowjobs and making us all rich! -- but G.W. has loyally put out a meaningless statement every May Day (we mean, "Loyalty Day") since his inglorious rise to power in 2001.

Loyalty Day 2007 [White House]

Earlier: Happy Loyalty Day, Nuestros Amigos!


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