Happy Thanksgiving, Donald Trump! Ready For Robert Mueller To Stuff Your Turkey?

Is this what Trump eats for Thanksgiving while the grown-ups are eating turkey and dressing? Who fucking knows.

Wonder what Donald Trump has been up to this weekend? Well, it appears he has finally learned how to thread tweets! They are completely unrelated tweets, and thus should not be threaded, but hey, PROGRESS:

Starting fights with black people, yelling at Jeff Flake, using unnecessary quotation marks, crying like a little fuckbaby because people aren't respecting him as god-emperor ... totally normal behavior.

MEANWHILE ROBERT MUELLER! Let's see what the special counsel has been up to the past couple of days:

Special Counsel Robert Mueller's team investigating whether President Donald Trump sought to obstruct a federal inquiry into connections between his presidential campaign and Russian operatives has now directed the Justice Department to turn over a broad array of documents, ABC News has learned.

In particular, Mueller's investigators are keen to obtain emails related to the firing of FBI Director James Comey and the earlier decision of Attorney General Jeff Sessions to recuse himself from the entire matter, according to a source who has not seen the specific request but was told about it.

Know how Donald Trump likes to say all the time that he knows for sure he is not under investigation? Donald Trump is under investigation. That is a fact, just like we can now unequivocally say, "The Trump Campaign colluded with Russia."

We don't know all the things Trump is being investigated for, but he's definitely absolutely certainly being investigated for obstruction of justice, as regards the Comey firing and his role in releasing a statement full of DARNED FIBS about his upside-down-faced son Junior's meetings with the Russians. We learned recently that Mueller had interviewed particularly racist hemorrhoid Stephen Miller. He wrote the original "10 things I hate about James Comey" letter for Trump that White House Counsel Don McGahn roundly rejected. Mueller is about to spend some quality time with Hope Hicks, who has been there for literally every (alleged) crime Trump has committed, including the Comey firing and the drafting of the statement about Junior's meeting.

Combine the Miller interviews, the Hope Hicks interview, and these Justice Department requests, and we agree with Business Insider's conclusion that the obstruction of justice part of the investigation is probably almost done, at least as regards the Comey firing. This makes sense, since any idiot can see Trump committed obstruction of justice, just based on his public statement to Lester Holt that he fired Comey because of Russia and his millions of tweets about Comey.

Does that mean Mueller's Russia investigation is almost done? HAHAHAHAHA, you are as naive as a common Trump lawyer.

The Washington Post has one of its fun palace intrigue pieces about what a Grumpy Gloria everybody in the White House is right now over the Russia investigation, and it reminds us Trump lawyer Ty Cobb is still saying the investigation is almost over. Apparently some of the West Wing staffers are dumb enough to believe him, too, including known dumb idiot Donald Trump, president of America:

The president himself, however, has warmed to Cobb’s optimistic message on Mueller’s probe. Cobb had initially said he hoped the focus on the White House would conclude by Thanksgiving, but adjusted the timeline slightly in an interview last week, saying he remains optimistic that it will wrap up by the end of the year, if not shortly thereafter.

LOL Ty Cobb, just keep changing the schedule and telling him "probably tomorrow." It's a good strategy to keep him from literally 'sploding.

Here is a more realistic view:

... [L]egal experts and private defense lawyers monitoring the case believe that Mueller’s investigation ... is still in its early stages.

They expect that the prosecutors have considerable investigative work still to do, and they predict more campaign officials, among others, will face charges. They expect the probe to extend deep into 2018 and possibly longer.

Maybe Trump and some West Wing staffers are just confused. They see Mueller interviewing inner circle people like Miller and Hicks and think, "Oh that must mean the end is in sight." Yeah, the easiest part of the investigation is just 'bout done, as we explained above.

Oh well, we hope Trump and his staff all have a nice Thanksgiving, unless Robert Mueller wants to go ahead and put them all in jail, which would be OK with us too.

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[ABC / Business Insider / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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