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Hardball Host Matthews: I Cried Watching West Wing; Predicts Cousin-Fucker Will Be Next Prez; Hates Presidential Ranches

matthews.jpgOutside the Beltway has posted video of right-wing zealot Chris Matthews's recent appearance on Jay Leno.


Among the political hairballs the Hardball host coughs up in four-plus minutes of barely uninterrupted bloviation that has been banned from Gitmo as the equivalent of torture: He cried bipartisan tears when Jimmy Smits offered Alan Alda the Secretary of State slot on The West Wing; wishes we hadn't invaded Iraq; thinks "Newt Gingrich is World War 3"; is "tired of presidents with ranches"; and predicts Rudy Giuliani will be the next president of the United States.

Free advice for Rudy G machine: Since Rudy's first marriage was to his second cousin, Regina Peruggi (annulled after 14 chaste years), he might want to tap celebrity cousin-marriage advocate John Stossel to craft the message on this surefire issue.

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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