Harris Faulkner's Pronouns Are 'USA' And One Time They Kicked Her Out Of A Restaurant For Saying Hi To God
Ma'am, those are initials.
Everybody in the Fox News clown car is taking a turn rubbing their butt all over Tucker Carlson's old seat, and this week, we guess it's Harris Faulkner's time to shine. It's hard to put into words how fake Harris Faulkner is. It's like you told an AI to asexually reproduce with itself and create a Fox News host and the AI was into it .
This video is your moment of zen or your new ringtone or something just to choke yourself laughing at, whatever.
“Faulkner: The lord has determined I am a woman. My pronouns are U.S.A.”
— Acyn (@Acyn) 1686010092
"The Lord has determined I am a woman, and my pronouns are U.S.A.," said this idiot clown woman who is a serious journalist for a real network who definitely has a human soul. The picture above is approximately the very serious and somber and grave face she was making when she said her pronouns were U and S and A, which sound more like initials to us, but what do we know. We guess Fox News isn't making money on convincing the country's stupidest people that there is a woke initials virus plaguing the nation. (Yet.)
In this next clip, Faulkner tells an obviously fake story about something that did not happen, when she was kicked out of a restaurant for saying grace. "We know who we are, and we know whose we are," said Faulkner, delivering a specifically Christian sermon on Monday night on the real news channel, as one does. (She's a huge fuckin' Bible beater, it's gross but it's also transparently grifty. )
She continued:
“Faulkner: I've been asked to leave a restaurant for openly bowing my head in prayer hands.. in America”
— Acyn (@Acyn) 1686010364
She said, "When you gather in public places pray thankfully over your food, even when the server gives you the stink-eye, or tells the manager that your peaceful grace is triggering them! Had it happen to me! I've been asked to leave a restaurant for openly bowing my head in prayer hands! In America! It's all good, they don't deserve my money anyway."
To which we reply bullshit, asshole, that did not happen. Or if it did happen, she is leaving out some serious details about why her "peaceful grace" might have been bothering other patrons. Maybe she was trying to make the entire restaurant join hands, or maybe she gets up on the dinner table to say grace or maybe ... oh fuck off, it didn't happen.
We would of course note that the Gospels' instructions for prayer are directly opposed to what this pious dickhead is teaching. Jesus wasn't real big on being a "look at me" asshole about your praying. “And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites," says Matthew 6: 5-6 in the New King James version. "For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."
So GTFO.
Here is a clip of Faulkner imploring us not to force her to bend to our will and our belief system simply because we feel a certain way. Yes, that's the way that sentence was structured.
“irony is dead and fox news killed it”
— Kat Abu (@Kat Abu) 1686010539
Also, Harris Faulkner says you're not entitled to your own facts. You're just not. Harris Faulkner knows the real facts and you're not entitled to say different ones. She really says all these things without cracking up.
“brb gonna bang my head against a wall for 2 hours”
— Kat Abu (@Kat Abu) 1686010539
We think Faulkner may low-key be the fakest, most shameless full-of-shit liar on the entire network. It's that serious face she gets, the way her voice drops, like she's telling us something very important, something we maybe don't want to hear, but something vital. Like Santa Claus ran over your puppy, but it's because of something you said.
Colbert nailed it couple months back:
“Stephen Colbert does brilliant impression mocking Fox News host Harris Faulkner. (Video: CBS)”
— Mike Sington (@Mike Sington) 1673442394
Here are a few of Faulkner's other greatest hits:
Harris Faulkner DISGUSTED By 'MILF' Show, Would Like To Talk About JESUS INSTEAD!
Fox News Will Cry For 3,000 Dead Americans A Day Once They Figure Out How It's Hunter Biden's Fault
Fox News So Mad At Joe Manchin Now, HOW VERY DARE HE!
Checking In With Fox News's Hanukkah Freedom Tree Benghazi Disaster Coverage! DAY TWO!
"NO ONE CAN BURN DOWN THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS," she said in that last one, with a straight face. Remember when Fox News's Christmas tree caught on fire and they covered it like 9/11 for a week? So fuckin' funny.
Anyway, yeah. Keep an eye on Faulkner. She could win that 8 p.m. timeslot when nobody's looking. (LIKE MAYBE WHEN THEY'RE BOWING THEIR HEADS TO PRAY AT RESTAURANTS, JUST AS SHE HAS INSTRUCTED.)
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I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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I am not a physician, but you seem to have a serious irony deficiency.
Women aren't supposed to work or expose their face or hair. Let's talk religion, but not with you. You're just a woman.