Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are coming to America. The one-time royals are currently self-isolating in Los Angeles with their son, Archie, having left their rented home in Vancouver, Canada, shortly before the borders closed last week. The move is reportedly permanent, and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have already received a gracious welcome from the president.

Because yes, that's what the president of the United States was focused on yesterday. That and his ratings. But of particular note is that nobody asked him to.

Just how much would Harry and Markle's security cost? When it was believed that they would settle in Canada, the total price was estimated at as low as $1.7 million and as high as $30 million. Their royal duties officially end this month, and that's when the Canadian government planned to stop paying for their security. It's strange because royals aren't political leaders who become less of a target (in theory) when they're no longer in office. Harry and Markle plan to focus on philanthropic work through their own charitable foundation. It's as if they're royals on an indie label. They'll still need more than a SimpliSafe at the house.

The less-impressive Meghan McCain, the Duchess of Arizona, also objected to spending “taxpayer dollars" to protect the former royals.

It seems like McCain has confused “security detail" with a celebrity entourage of hangers-on. We wouldn't fund their extravagant lifestyle. We'd pay to keep them alive, which is a reasonable investment. Harry is still Queen Elizabeth's grandson. His family dying on American soil is a bad look, especially because the security detail isn't there to keep them from tripping over a brick on their fancy Hollywood digs. We're literally protecting them from some homegrown white supremacist or random asshole with a gun. America still hasn't lived down what happened to John Lennon.

McCain is also wrong when she suggests that this is “England's problem." First off, that's a horrible expression of hospitality. More importantly, Meghan Markle is still an American citizen. We guess she and her 10-month-old son are just on their own because she chose to marry into the royal family. Markle is a woman with no country in some ways. Racists in England made her life hell and American idiots like McCain thinks it's up to England to care if she lives or dies.

The royal family isn't popular among small-R “republicans" on either side of the pond, but our national obsession with celebrity is what makes it hard for Harry and Markle to live something resembling a normal life.

Don't worry, though. the duke and duchess promise they won't be deadbeats. They confirmed that they're not going to ask America for a penny for their security.

"The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have no plans to ask the U.S. government for security resources," a spokesperson for Meghan and Harry told Fox News. "Privately funded security arrangements have been made."

They've just moved here and already they're contributing to the economy.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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