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Hi dad, I'm IN JAIL. Guys! GUYS! ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WHO ONLY AGREE WITH YOU ON 95 PERCENT OF THE THINGS? ARE YOU READY TO TELL EVERYBODY THEY ARE CROOKS FOR LIKING THAT WHORALLY CLINTON? Can you not wait to spit bile at those idiots who think Bernie Sanders ISN'T A LOON?


Eh, then maybe go to Daily Kos. Because your Wonkette is a kindly mommyblog respite from that kind of viciousness, because THEY ARE BOTH FINE, and THEY ARE BOTH LIBERAL, and they would both be ONE HUNDRED TIMES BETTER than the sanest Republican, and that is John Kasich, so come on guys. Ew.

Here is a fun story! Your editrix's mom, Commie Mom, finally agreed to stop disparaging Hillary Clinton, because "super good reason I persuaded her with." That lasted, I am pretty sure, two days. When our Official Wonkette Baby guest-hosted Morning Joe -- don't know if you saw -- they introduced her as a Bernie Baby, but from "a divided house." My mom was so pissed! How is she not 100 percent Berner, as the grandfruit of her grandloins? (I mean her snatch.) Then my aunt sent me a note: how could I have let Mika Brzezezezzzzz touch her, when Mika "said Bernie supporters aren't hypocrites." JESUS ALL OF YOU STOP IT I AM DEAD FROM YOU, I AM GETTING IT FROM EVERY SIDE.

Kind of makes me finally get how after four years as Wonkette's owner, Ken Layne wandered off into the desert, never to be heard from again.

Boy, can I not wait to liveblog.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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