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Normal people do not lose their shit over a Facebook post that no one likes. We've all had it happen. Maybe your friends were watching Game of Thrones, maybe they all secretly hate you, maybe they're trying to tell you that paella with raisins is gross, Karen. Similarly, a not-crazy person notices that one of the thousands of people they follow isn't showing up in their Twitter feed and thinks, "Algorithms are stupid. I'll just click over and fave a couple of that guy's posts, and it should work itself out." The White House is not looking for those people.

If you are a paste-munching loon who thinks that @Jack and Zuck are OUT TO CENSOR YOU!!!1!! and steal your many hundreds of very real followers, then the White House invites you to step right this way and speak to the manager immediately!


Perhaps if consumers stopped treating Facebook like their living rooms and more like a bus station with an open sewer running through it, which it is, we'd all be better off. But that's an argument for another day. Leaving aside whether SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS, being private businesses, "should" have a civic mission, it's a bit surprising to see these small government conservatives trying to regulate companies like some kind of socialist, nanny state bureaucrat. That's a joke -- it's only surprising they have time to do it when they're so busy giving every woman in America a pelvic exam.

But on to the White House's Tech Bias Sharing Tool, where participants are cordially invited to supply name, age, phone number, email, and citizenship status without first being told who or what entity will have access to the information or how it will be stored. Luckily it's on Typeform, so it's probably (???) more secure than the free site you use to sign up to bring snacks for your kid's soccer practice. (Or not. Shit, hope my haha@gfys.biz account is safe!)

But now on to the important business! Tell Mr. Trump where on your social media account that mean liberal bad-touched you.

All of them!?!?! Wow, you must be very oppressed. Tell Donald Trump more!

Then there are several opportunities to tell Mr. Trump your tale of woe and include screenshots. They still haven't mentioned that once you click submit, the government will own your entire story about Twitter censoring your very important thread on the time Hillary tried to give you an anal probe for Satan, but Q fought her off using this one weird vegetable doctors beg you to throw out.

That's a no for me, dawg!

Still no privacy disclosure, although they've got that asterisk. First they want to be 1000 percent sure you're not a robot, though

So clever! Who would ever think to program a bot to answer "1776" to question 15? Those White House guys know tech bigly.

No wonder they figured out that @Jack is shadowbanning conservatives. Or maybe he's allowing his site to run rife with Nazis because he hasn't figured out how to write code to get rid of white nationalists without banning conservative politicians. Spoiler Alert: It's that one.

Anyway, now it's time to click the box giving the government the right to use your personal data any way it sees fit. Grandpa President will have quite the flip book ready next time @Jack and Zuck come for lunch. If Twitter and Facebook aren't shadowbanning conservatives, how do you explain five thousand pages of screaming lunatics whose Benghazi Uranium Pedophile posts are obviously being censored because DUH SCIENCE?

And how do you explain why no one on Twitter thinks Ted Cruz's jokes are funny, HUH?

Wait, you mean he was serious about that space pirate shit? That wasn't a joke?

IS THE ENTIRE COUNTRY EATING LEAD PAINT CHIPS? Done, we are done here.

For real, we're done. OPEN THREAD.

[Tech Bias Survey]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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