Trump's intelligence briefing

Mercy me, Devin Nunes is a fucking idiot. The congressman from MENSA told a really dumb lie on "Fox & Friends" this morning, which is that Donald Trump, pictured below, has never even met Trump campaign coffee boy/Russian intelligence cut-out George Papadapoulos, pictured below in the same picture. Why yes, that was the famous Trump foreign policy team meeting, where Papadopoulos bragged about how he could set up a Grindr date for Trump and Vladimir Putin.

Donald Trump has never met any of these men.

Jeff Sessions is obviously sitting right there too, but Sessions cannot recall whether he remembers going to that meeting, oh wait now he remembers, just kidding, fiddlesticks, the memory done just flew right outta his brain again!

Here are Devin Nunes's full stupid "Fox & Friends" quotes:

If Papadopoulos was such a major figure, why didn't you get a warrant on him?

Dunno, Devin! Have you looked at all the FISA records and determined there was never a warrant on Pap? LOL just kidding, Devin Nunes hasn't read any of the intelligence he's yapping about.

If Papadopoulos was such a major figure, you had nothing on him. You know, the guy lied. Papadopoulos never even knew who Trump was ...

AND HE STILL DOESN'T! Golly, George Papadopoulos must be pretty dumb if he was working for the GOP nominee Donald Trump and didn't even know who GOP nominee Donald Trump was.

... you know, never even had met with the president.

Not even once! (See above.)

And you know, getting drunk in London and talking to other, and talking to diplomats, saying that you don't like Hillary Clinton, is really, I think it's kinda scary that our intelligence agencies would take that and use it against an American citizen.

GODDAMN, Devin Nunes, if you're not going to read the intelligence, could you at least read Wonkette? Because it was printed right here after the New York Times broke the story that George Papadopoulos did not simply shoot Jägerbombs with the Australians while loudly asserting that Hillary Clinton is a bitch. What actually happened was that Pap bragged drunkenly that Russia had dirt to share with the Trump campaign on Hillary, because he fucking knew about it and apparently couldn't keep his idiot mouth shut.

Indeed, it would have been weird to do "wire tapps" to Papadopoulos if he had simply hate-drunked about Hillary at a bar, and it would have been even weirder if that Australian diplomat had felt the need to alert the FBI about it. You'd have to "wire tapp" every cousin-swappin' squirrel-grillin' church meeting in Alabama if every idiot who whines about Hitler-y Clinton deserves FISA surveillance.

But they don't, and Devin Nunes is a fucking idiot. Did we say that already in this post? CHRIST, what an idiot.

Has Nunes heard the news about how George Papadopoulos pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI and is one of Robert Mueller's cooperating witnesses now? He could have learned that by reading Wonkette too.

As we noted earlier, though, Donald Trump took his intelligence briefing from his bosses at "Fox & Friends" this morning, so he clearly saw this clip and that's why he gave Nunes a Twitter Snausage for being a very good boy:

Yeah you bet. Great American Hero Devin Nunes. Move the fuck over, Paul Revere, Devin Nunes is horseback riding around the White House lawn in circles, loudly hollering to everybody who will listen, "MORE MEMOS ARE CUMMING! MORE MEMOS ARE CUMMING!"

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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