Hooray for red state Democrat Heidi Heitkamp, who is facing one of the toughtest re-election fights of them all, and who has decided that regardless of what happens on November 6, she's voting her conscience on Brett Kavanaugh. And since she has a conscience, that means she is voting FUCK NO.

You hear that Joe Manchin? Senator Heitkamp is down in the polls, and she's voting no. You are up in the polls, by almost ten points, and you can totally afford to vote against likely sexual predators on the Supreme Court! Make like a Heidi Heitkamp and don't be a fucking dick, JOE.

Here is Heitkamp's statement:

Heitkamp's statement includes some of the usual Red State Democrat rigamarole about how #BothSides handled this poorly, but in the end she says she had to look at the "totality" of the situation, including that hearing last week where Brett Kavanaugh cried and moaned about his precious calendars and yelled about conspiracy theories and just generally lied a lot. He really should have smiled more.

She also talks quite a bit about the testimony of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, and the need for America to take sexual abuse victims seriously, before concluding that Donald Trump could easily nominate somebody who is not gross and rapey. She is just saying.

Cook Political Report still has Heitkamp's race rated as a toss-up, but some new Fox News polls came out yesterday, including a North Dakota poll where she's down TWELVE POINTS. Will Democratic enthusiasm be enough to squeak her by? It's unclear. Regardless, she is in the most dangerous position of any Democratic senator, and she's taking this stand anyway. Why? Because fuck you is why.

Speaking of "toss-ups," this is where the other questionable senators stand, as far as we know:

Ben Sasse did his usual song and dance on the Senate floor last night, where he eloquently stated every reason he should vote against Donald Trump's wishes, this time with some extra crocodile tears about sexual assault, and according to his office, he remains "undecided." But considering the fact this is Ben Sasse, please nobody get your hopes up that he'll do the right thing. Maybe he just hasn't decided what to wear when he votes "yes."

Jeff Flake and Susan Collins have been trying very hard to get to the "yes" on Kavanaugh that they already decided was going to be a "yes" two months ago, and they are reportedly very pleased with the bullshit FBI investigation that anybody who is not A Idiot can see is a bullshit FBI investigation. Quick, somebody, follow Flake onto an elevator! We'd say somebody should follow Collins onto an elevator too, but sadly, we think she's beyond hope. But ... hey ... maaaaybe???

Hey, maybe Lisa Murkowski will still vote against! She's not saying much right now.

Joe Manchin? Who the fuck ever knows. He's kind of useless.

Regardless, and we hate to say it, but it looks at this point like fucker's getting confirmed, just barely. (And then ENDLESSLY INVESTIGATED.) But keep protesting and keep calling your senators and keep yelling and never give up, because in Trump's America, the news can change on a dime, sometimes 46 times a day.

We'll close this post with a message from Senator Bob Menendez, who is so mad about the FBI's "bullshit" investigation into Brett Kavanaugh he's gonna say a cuss!

Listen to Bob, guys. He is aware of all FBI investigation traditions!

And if you are a North Dakota voter, call Senator Heitkamp and say thank you and then go find two new voters to take to the polls and save her seat. OK? LET'S GO.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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