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Speaker Paul Ryan was recentlyasked who his least favorite president was, and you'll never guess who he said! (Yes, you will.) It couldn't be Obama, could it? (Of course it could.) Well, boy howdy!


Given that Ryan thinks Obama is the worstest president who ever presidented, he must think all these other presidents were pretty great compared to the ineffective Kenyan usurper currently squatting in the White House:

William Henry Harrison

Harrison refused to wear a coat or hat for his inauguration speech (the longest such address ever given at the time) in 1840 despite it being a rainy day in freaking January. He died 32 days later of complications from pneumonia. Paul Ryan thinks Harrison was smarter than Obama, who has died from self-inflicted pneumonia complications exactly zero times.

James Buchanan

Buchanan, aka "the really shitty one before we got Lincoln," was the President who fiddled while Rome burned, doing absolutely nothing to stop the impending US Civil War. His response to the secession of 11 US states was pretty much a shrug emoji. He also looked like a very stoned Anthony Hopkins, which probably isn't relevant, but we're mentioning it anyway. Actual historians have consistently ranked James Buchanan as the Worst US President, but what do historians know about history anyway, is what Speaker Paul Ryan would like to know?

Andrew Johnson

Andrew Johnson showed up to his inauguration as Vice President fall-over drunk, and it was probably the high point of his political career. The only President ever impeached for non-blowjob-related offenses, Johnson also opposed the 14th Amendment, aka "the one that allowed black people to become US citizens." Paul Ryan clearly treasures Johnson's forethought in this area.

Richard Nixon

OK, yes, Richard Milhous Nixon literally committed treason and consigned thousands of Americans to death in order to further his own political career. Sure, he was a paranoid sociopath caught illegally recording his political opponents, leading to his becoming the only US President ever to resign from office in complete disgrace. But! BUT! At least he was never guilty of Presidenting While Black! Can Barack HUSSEIN Obama say the same thing? Speaker Paul Ryan thinks not!

Franklin Pierce

Franklin Pierce championed and signed the Kansas-Nebraska Act (which led to Kansans MURDERING THE LIVING SHIT out of each other for seven years), was a huge fan of the Fugitive Slave Act, and thought the abolitionist movement was a threat to the United States. His own party despised him so much it refused to even nominate him for Presidential re-election in 1856. He was not, however, a Mooslim Kenyan gay prostitute drug addict from Abortionstan, so clearly he's better than Obama.

Warren G. Harding

Holy crap, did Warren G. Harding suck, you guys. His appeal for the Republican Presidential nomination of 1920 was "why not Zoidberg?" (no, we're not kidding), and his tenure was defined by a buttload of scandals such as Teapot Dome. Warren G. Harding sucked so hard that even his scandal names were laughably stupid. His presidency is considered the most corrupt in American history, and that's counting the ones since the Koch brothers were born. Nevertheless, he never advocated mild common sense gun reforms, so clearly he was far less of a corrupt tyrant than our current commander in chief.

Herbert Hoover

Sure, Hoover may have helped plunge the country into the Great Depression and then wasn't able to do anything to get us out of it, but at least he was never guilty of declaring that he thought gay people should have the same marriage rights as everybody else. Hoover 1, NOBAMA 0!

Millard Fillmore

The highlight of the Fillmore administration was the Earth not crashing into the Sun. This was clearly a greater achievement than health care reform and marriage equality.

George W. Bush

LOL, we don't even need to put anything here, right? You guys have got this one? OK, cool.

In the same interview where he declared Obama his least favorite President, Paul Ryan said his favorite President was James Madison, who owned hundreds of slaves, so Paul Ryan loves slavery, QED. Ryan also referred to Abraham Lincoln as a "founder," which makes a ton of sense considering Lincoln was President 90 years after the country's founding.

Paul Ryan is clearly very good at U.S. American history.

[The Hill]

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I'd mentioned this week that there's definitely probably a tape out there of Donald Trump referring to a black person as a "nigger," because Trump is a racist and that's sort of what they do. Sarah Huckabee Sanders won't even affirmatively deny such a tape exists, and she's from the "two plus two equals five" school of communications management. I also speculated that once the tape was released, Republican supporters of the president would flock to defend his vile words: "Hey, if you rearrange the letters in "nigger," you get "ginger" and who doesn't like redheads and the occasional Dark 'n' Stormy?"

The shameful display has already started and the supposed recording isn't even available for pre-order on iTunes. George State Senator Michael Williams stated in appearance on CNN's "New Day Saturday" that if Trump -- who's the president, by the way -- did say "nigger," it would certainly concern him as an "individual" but "not necessarily as a person that is running our country." So, uh, what the hell is that? This has been a standard argument from Republicans ever since Trump crawled his way out of the sewers of birtherism and onto a major political stage: "We think Trump is a terrible human being -- seriously, we have to shower immediately after meeting with him -- but we still think he's a suitable steward of the most powerful nation on the planet."

Normally, you'd think this would work the other way. You know, your brother-in-law is a nice enough guy. Your sister certainly could've done worse. You don't mind the slightly rambling sports-ball discussions with him at family gatherings. He's good for looking after the kids (as long as your sister is present or reachable by cell), but you'd never invest your hard-earned money into whatever half-assed business venture he's trying to get off the ground nor would you back his run for any serious political office.

I've long had issues with the "brilliant asshole" archetype in TV and movies. It's almost always a white male (because women and minorities must be perfect) whose emotional immaturity and overall jerkass behavior we're told to overlook because they're so goshdarned awesome. Do you want some PC "cuck" or do you want Dr. House to figure out that the MS symptoms you're suffering are really just because you ate a stale doughnut? Sherlock Holmes doesn't have time for your feelings or social niceties -- not while he's solving mysteries and being dreamy.

Trump, however, isn't "brilliant." He's just a guy who says "nigger." They're hardly a scarcity in the market. You don't even have to venture out to a klan rally to find one. You can order online -- same day social media delivery.

Williams argues that Trump didn't use the word "nigger" when he was in the "office of the president." It was just some youthful indiscretion when he was almost 60. I don't even know where he's going with this. Does he think Trump has changed? He routinely insults and belittles black people. He also calls black NFL players who peacefully protest "sons of bitches." Was that his way of weaning off calling us "niggers"? Has he been wearing a "nigger" patch on his arm to control his cravings for the racial epithet?

"He used the word in his personal life," Williams said. (It was actually in a workplace context -- SER) "Now if he were president and were to go on TV and use the n-word, I'd have a major problem with that."

media.giphy.com

It's heartening repulsive to see that Williams draws the line at Trump holding an official "nigger" press conference. I think once we reach that point, Trump will probably also reveal that his buddies on the Supreme Court discovered a typo in the Thirteenth Amendment and black folks' work-life balance will start to really suffer.

"I will always say using the n-word is wrong, and it's bad, and should never be accepted in our society. But just because (Trump) might have done it years ago, not as our president, doesn't mean we need to continue to berate him because he used it," GOP state Sen. Michael Williams, who is white, told CNN's Victor Blackwell on "New Day Saturday."

Blackwell, who is black, had to sit there and listen to this crap from a white elected official who is just 45 years old. You know, the word "nigger" doesn't even appear in the Dred Scott decision, for example, but that's not necessary for reasonable people to understand that it was racist as hell. We all know Trump is racist, but now Republicans can't even repudiate the worst demonstrations of his racial animus. The first black president hasn't even been out of office for two full years and already "nigger" is being redefined. What would once end a campaign in its tracks when Blackwell and I were growing up is now just an "oops, my bad."

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Conservatives want to be oppressed. Or, rather, for everyone to think they are being oppressed and to then give them what they see as the impunity and moral upper hand that comes along with being an oppressed group of people. They want it very, very badly and think it is very unfair that all the people they have oppressed have this privilege and they do not. This morning, Trump took to Twitter to vow to protect them from the worst kind of oppression of all -- imaginary social media censorship!

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