Here Are The First Two Lies Trump Told Robert Mueller

Because Robert Mueller's team doesn't leak, we can only assume Donald Trump's lawyers are leaking Trump's answers to questions Mueller asked Trump in his open-book "perjury trap" exam on Trump's constant NO COLLUSION with Russia. And surprise! It looks like the two answers leaked to CNN are Trump lies!

CNN's source makes clear that Trump couched his answers with qualifications that as far as he recalls he is telling the truth. But since Trump has repeatedly claimed that he has "one of the great memories of all time" (as far as he can recall all the other people's memories of all time) we can safely assume he knows exactly what he really did, and that he knows exactly how YOOGE the lies he told Mueller really are.

The two questions:

  • Did Roger Stone tell him about all the WikiLeaks? Is that why Trump knew to say he loved WikiLeaks every five fucking goddamned seconds on the campaign trail, and to say Russia if you're listening, please find Hillary's 33,000 missing emails? (SPOILER: Russia was listening.)
  • Did Trump know about Dipshit Don's treason meeting with the Russians in Trump Tower before, during or just after it happened? Please answer "Yes" or "LOL duh of course."

In his written responses, Trump said nope to both.

But are those true statements or is Robert Mueller completely over Trump's lies right now?

Let's take a look-see at the publicly available evidence! CNN quotes Roger Stone very recently addressing this:

"I never discussed any of this with Donald Trump. It's one of the questions that Mr. Mueller wants the President to answer -- one of the written questions. I'm highly confident that his answer will be that he knew nothing about it. We just never discussed it," Stone recently told CNN.

Yeah, um, here's the thing. Roger Stone knew what Julian Assange had. Jerome Corsi knew what Julian Assange had. They used a path of cut-outs that Wonkette pretty much naileda few weeks back, as confirmed by the leaked draft of Corsi's guilty plea as drawn up by Mueller's office. And who was fuckin' tight with Donald Trump in 2016? That would be Roger Stone.

As Marcy Wheeler reminds us, Stone's previous claim about his involvement with the Trump campaign was that he had no involvement, but was merely BFFs with Donald Trump. Indeed, he first said that when Mueller indicted all those Russian military intelligence hackers, because thatindictment mentioned a "person who was in regular contact with senior members of the presidential campaign of Donald J. Trump," who was in contact with the hackers. Stone was saying that indictment definitely wasn't talking about him! This is funny because Wonkette was able to peg the unnamed "US person" in that indictment as Roger Stone the day it came out.

Wheeler notes that now Stone is saying that yeah probably that was talking about him, and that he was for sure "in touch with Trump campaign officials." But wait, before he said he only talked to Trump. HMMMMMMM, what a conundrum. Oh well, guess Robert Mueller knew the answer before he ever even did "perjury traps" to Stone or Trump, by asking those motherfuckers questions.

Now, about that Trump Tower Russian treason meeting. CNN reminds us:

"I did NOT know of the meeting with my son, Don Jr," Trump tweeted in July.

There is no goddamned way.

Steve Bannon has said there is no goddamned way Junior didn't piss all over himself in glee (and also just because he had to potty) when he set up that Russian treason meeting to help Daddy, and immediately go tell Daddy, while still covered in pee. (They didn't call him Diaper Don in college for nothin'.)

Paul Manafort told his lawyer, who told Trump's lawyers, that one of the things Mueller's people hammered him on was whether or not Trump knew about that Trump Tower meeting. If Mueller was "hammering" him on that, could that possibly mean Mueller knew the actual answer, and it was the opposite of what Manafort said, because that was one of the things Manafort constantly lied about to Robert Mueller?

Maybe Robert Mueller knows who Junior called with a private number in between two of his phone calls with the Russians while he was setting up the Russian treason meeting. Junior, of course, has been famously unable to remember who he called on a private line that day. Maybe he was calling his private emergency support group for people who pee on themselves. Or maybe he called his dad, who had a private number in Trump Tower. (By the by, Rep. Adam Schiff has said that when he's chair of House Intelligence in a few weeks, he's gonna unmask the fuckin' BEJESUS outta that shit.)

In summary and in conclusion, lyin' Trump told some goddamn lies on his take-home test for Mueller, and Mueller knows it, go to jail, do not pass go, do not grab anybody by the pussy on Reading Railroad, and stay the fuck there, AMEN.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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