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Would you like to watch a joyful video featuring America's last competent and smart and sexxxy president, Barry Bamz-A-Lot McGee? Of course you would! You are probably already traveling for Thanksgiving, so STOP WATCHING THIS VIDEO WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING, IDIOT. But if you are not currently operating a motor vehicle, please proceed with this post!

Anyway, Barack Obama was saying words at his Obummer Foundation Summit, put on by the Nobummer Foundation, and he was talking about why it's so dang hard for America to actually get Great Again in these trying times. He didn't mention Donald Trump's name, because he only does that when he really wants to, but he sure did list some of the things that are holding us (read: Trump) back. You know, like racism.

And "mommy issues."


You can see him say it in this video posted by whoever is charge of taking dumps all over the RNC's YouTube account, probably Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel, because they are so very LOLGRRRMAD Obama said this:

Barack Obama Trashes Americans: “Confused, Blind, Shrouded With Hate, Anger, Racism, Mommy Issues" www.youtube.com

Later on he REALLY stuck the knife in Trump's beef body when he said, "I believe in reason and logic and all these enlightenment values." Meanwhile, Donald Trump just screams at clouds and nobody ever knows WTF he is talking about and it's entirely possible his brain has syphilitic wombats in it, and that his Yeti Pubes have fleas. POINT: Obama.

Anyway, you'd have mommy issues too if this was your mommy:

assets.rbl.ms

Know what would REALLY give you mommy issues? If that was your mommy and she always put the Thanksgiving turkey in her Down Theres, because we think that's what Trump meant when he said you have to "gestate" the turkey for a long time, just like mommy did.

OK, we are very sorry for all the mental images in your brains right now, so here is Beto O'Rourke cutting flank steak, to sexxx you up and make us all pregnant:

That's right.

This has been a Thanksgiving message from Barack Obama, Beto O'Rourke's meat, and also yr Wonkette.

Now have an OPEN THREAD!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

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Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

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