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Would you like to watch a joyful video featuring America's last competent and smart and sexxxy president, Barry Bamz-A-Lot McGee? Of course you would! You are probably already traveling for Thanksgiving, so STOP WATCHING THIS VIDEO WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING, IDIOT. But if you are not currently operating a motor vehicle, please proceed with this post!

Anyway, Barack Obama was saying words at his Obummer Foundation Summit, put on by the Nobummer Foundation, and he was talking about why it's so dang hard for America to actually get Great Again in these trying times. He didn't mention Donald Trump's name, because he only does that when he really wants to, but he sure did list some of the things that are holding us (read: Trump) back. You know, like racism.

And "mommy issues."


You can see him say it in this video posted by whoever is charge of taking dumps all over the RNC's YouTube account, probably Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel, because they are so very LOLGRRRMAD Obama said this:

Barack Obama Trashes Americans: “Confused, Blind, Shrouded With Hate, Anger, Racism, Mommy Issues" www.youtube.com

Later on he REALLY stuck the knife in Trump's beef body when he said, "I believe in reason and logic and all these enlightenment values." Meanwhile, Donald Trump just screams at clouds and nobody ever knows WTF he is talking about and it's entirely possible his brain has syphilitic wombats in it, and that his Yeti Pubes have fleas. POINT: Obama.

Anyway, you'd have mommy issues too if this was your mommy:

assets.rbl.ms

Know what would REALLY give you mommy issues? If that was your mommy and she always put the Thanksgiving turkey in her Down Theres, because we think that's what Trump meant when he said you have to "gestate" the turkey for a long time, just like mommy did.

OK, we are very sorry for all the mental images in your brains right now, so here is Beto O'Rourke cutting flank steak, to sexxx you up and make us all pregnant:

That's right.

This has been a Thanksgiving message from Barack Obama, Beto O'Rourke's meat, and also yr Wonkette.

Now have an OPEN THREAD!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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