Here Is Your Heartwarming 2012 'Throw A Poor Family Out In The Snow' Christmas Miracle, America!


Just in case you were feeling hopeful about humanity or anything, we thought we'd nip that right in the bud. Yep, it looks like the Iconic Christmas Story for 2012 has arrived! In Grand Junction, Colorado, a single mother and her three children are going to beevicted from their apartment just in time for Christmas, because the woman's son shoplifted a pair of shoes, and the apartment complex's "zero tolerance" lease agreement states that "any criminal activity on or near the premises is grounds for immediate eviction."

Tanya Abbey and her three children face eviction from their Section 8 rent-assisted housing after her son Oran, 13, was caught shoplifting a pair of shoes from a local K-Mart. The family is uncertain whether they will be able to find a place in a shelter.

The boy said that he stole the shoes because his old shoes were worn out and his feet were cold, a claim which anonymous commenters on the internet derided as calculated to tug at the heartstrings of knee-jerk liberals. Other commenters were quick to note that Ms. Abbey is obviously a drug addict -- just look at her!! -- who is a drain on society and never should have had children. In addition, there is no father in the picture, and maybe now these lowlifes will learn a lesson about stealing (especially the toddler and the preschooler).

Several commenters, citing their "instincts" and certain that no landlord would evict a family over petit theft, argued that the shoplifting incident was obviously the last straw in a long string of imagined infractions that the family was almost certainly guilty of, including being likely Obama voters, haw-haw.

After typing their heartfelt condemnations of the family of takers, it is believed that several of the commenters made plans to join their own families later in the month to celebrate the birth of Christ.

[CBS4 Denver / Huffpo]

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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The president of the United States called a black woman a "dog" on Twitter Tuesday morning. It is common for folks who pride themselves on their supposed rational "level-headedness" to insist that Donald Trump's Twitter antics are part of some three-dimensional chess-like machinations intended to "distract" us from the Mueller investigation. But despite what Trump might think about my genetic stock, I'm capable of maintaining more than one competing thought in my head.

Sure, there's Russian collusion out the wazoo. Yes, immigrant children are still separated from their parents because of the Trump administration's cruel policies. But I also think whenever we dismiss something Trump does that would be a major story in any other presidency with a mammal chief executive, we help normalize this repulsive behavior.

I've mentioned before that every time Trump whips out his racist bullhorn, the "level-headed" brigade rapidly responds with examples of Trump also being an asshat to white guys and won't someone please think of them? "Doesn't Trump frequently call people dogs? He likes to take a Michael Vick theme to his personal insults." Charles M. Blow, who is more dedicated than I, looked into this claim, and it doesn't appear to be true.

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