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Hi, Wonkers! It's been a heartbreaking and terrible weekend, hasn't it? Here at Wonkette, we like to try to laugh through our rage and our tears, so as we told you earlier this week, tonight is the premiere of the 2018 Golden Probes, which are just like the Golden Globes except for how it is SEXISM'S MOST GLAMOROUS NIGHT. Awards will be given to all the leading lights of sexism and misogyny, people who work tirelessly every day to make America great again for white straight conservative men! Truly, this year's winners will inspire you (to vote the motherfuckers out, hopefully).

We got to go to New York to help with this event, which was put on by Lady Parts Justice, which was founded by bona fide Wonkette pal Lizz Winstead. It. Was. HILARIOUS.


Margaret Cho is the host, Stormy Daniels makes an appearance, and also too there are all kinds of other celebrities! In fact, as it is Sunday and we are lazy, we will just steal the line-up from the Golden Probes website:

Probes is also thrilled to announce special appearances by Stormy Daniels, Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show, founder of Lady Parts Justice), Taylor Schilling, Natasha Lyonne, Jessica Pimentel (Orange Is the New Black), Dan Savage (Host of Savage Lovecast, Writer of Savage Love), Sandra Bernhard, Jordan Klepper (The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper), Kathy Najimy (King of the Hill), Dulcé Sloan (The Daily Show), Michelle Buteau (WNYC's Late Night Whenever), Brian Unger, Franchesca "Chescaleigh" Ramsey, Reformed Whores, Sharon Spell, Mike Hot-Pence, Patricia Okoumou, Dr. Willie Parker, Jill Sobule, Ambrosia Parsley, Sarah Hartshorne, Abby Holland ...

AND MORE! Or maybe that is everybody, we cannot remember.

Anyway, it starts at 8 PM ET, and because of the wonders of YouTube, you can watch it right here on ye olde Wonkette! (Because we know how you are and that you like to stay right here at Wonkette, where it's safe.)

Here's a video of fun out-takes from the show:

2018 Golden Probes Outtakes www.youtube.com

And here is your livestream!

The 2018 Golden Probe Awards www.youtube.com

Enjoy, and we will see you bright and early tomorrow morning!

Love,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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