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Winning the day.


Yes, we know, the primaries are still 15,000 years away and Hillary Clinton hasn't sealed the nomination. Bernie's still out there and he's great! Martin O'Malley is still ... um ... yeah. (Nobody else is out there, BYE JIM WEBB, BYE LINCOLN CHAFEE!)

But watching the insane Republican Benghazi committee prosecute Hillary like a murderer for ELEVEN HOURS, ALAN, we were not Hillary supporters or Bernie supporters. We were commie liberal America-hating leftists, all in this together. (Just kidding, we're all Larry Lessig supporters, WHERE'S OUR WONKETTE PANTIES?)

There were many HI-LARIOUS and weird moments during the Benghazi hearings, and we writed most of them at you! But in our expert Wonket opinion, there are a few you MUST remember forever, and tell your kids about, and your grandkids and their grandkids too.

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One, of course, was Hillz's opening statement, which we Wonked at you already, when she seized the moral high ground and encouraged everyone to join her up there:

Despite all the previous investigations and all the talk about partisan agendas, I’m here to honor those we lost, and to do what I can to aid those who serve us still.

Sorry, Republican fuckskillets, but you just let Hillary set the tone for THE WHOLE DAY.

Some other moments came somewhere in the middle of the million-year-long hearing, as our new boyfriend Rep. Adam Schiff listed every single ACTUAL SCIENCE FACT we know about this bullshit Benghazi committee what does not give TWO HAIRY FUCKS about the Americans who died in Benghazi or their families.

For instance:

FACT: Of the thirty-two press releases that have been issued since March of this year, twenty-seven of them are about you or the State Department and five are about everything else.

Or this one:

FACT: What gave rise to your appearance here today was many months ago a group called the Stop HIllary PAC, which aired an offensive ad during the debate, showing the tombstone of Ambassador Stevens, among other things, delivered 264,000 signatures demanding that you appear before us.

OH YEAH, this was when he became our boyfriend. He went on:

The chairman has said that this will be the final, definitive report. One thing that I think we can tell already -- there will be nothing final about this report. Wherever we finish, if ever we finish, the problem we've had as a committee, is we don't know what we're looking for.

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Because the people running the committee have one goal in mind: destroy Hillary Clinton. Former Wannabe House Speaker Sex Scandal Perv Kevin McCarthy GODDAMNED ADMITTED IT, and then chairman Trey Gowdy got SO MAD BRO at him for saying the truth.

But it was Hillary's response to Schiff's litany of facts, and his final question -- how does it feel "to be the subject of an allegation that you deliberately interfered with security that cost the life of a friend?" -- that's worth remembering. (WATCH THE VIDEO ABOVE, DAMMIT.) She was not only PRESIDENTIAL AS FUCK, but she made it clear that the events that led to this hack "investigation" grieve HER far more than anyone else in that room.

Hillary, you have the floor:

Well, Congressman, it's a very personally painful accusation. It has been rejected and disproven by non-partisan, dispassionate investigators. But nevertheless, having it continued to be bandied around is deeply distressing to me.

You know, I've -- I would imagine I've thought more about what happened than all of you put together. I've lost more sleep than all of you put together. I have been wracking my brain about what more could have been done or should have been done.

And so, when I took responsibility, I took it as a challenge and an obligation to make sure, before I left the State Department, that what we could learn -- as I'm sure my predecessors did after Beirut and after Nairobi and Dar es Salaam and after all the other attacks on our facilities, I'm sure all of them -- Republican and Democrat alike -- especially where there was loss of American life -- said, "OK, what must we do better?

"How do we protect the men and women that we send without weapons, without support from the military, into some of the most dangerous places in the world?"

And so I will continue to speak out and do everything I can from whatever position I'm in to honor the memory of those we lost and to work as hard as I know to try to create more understanding and cooperation between the State Department, our diplomats, our development professionals from USAID and the Congress so that the Congress is a partner with us, as was the case in previous times.

She went into a bit more detail, and then closed:

I'm an optimist, Congressman. I'm hoping that that will be the outcome of this and every other effort, so that we really do honor not only those we lost, but all those who, right as we speak, are serving in dangerous places, representing the values and the interests of the American people.

AND SCENE. Now let's all go have a nice weekend while we lounge in our exclusive Wonket Hillary Clinton T-shirts.

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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