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Herman Cain Is Now Every Muslim Person's Best Friend

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These are strange times, so it is not too surprising that Herman "Let's Just Ban All the Mosques" Cain is now just a few Pillars of Islam away from becoming the East Coast's hottest new imam. Just last week, Herman Cain was very serious about that part in the First Amendment that says mosques are not allowed, because of Freedom, so why is he all of a sudden going on tours and having "quiet meetings" with people inside actual mosques? Is Herman Cain the latest victim in the grand Muslim conspiracy? There is really no other reason why the people of the fancy-shmancy "ADAMS Center" would want to spend time explaining their religion to Herman Cain, so probably!


Herman Cain had a meeting with some Muslim leaders yesterday to "rebuild relations," because the strained relationship between Herman Cain and the Muslim community is a tragedy that affects us all.

ADAMS Center board member Robert Marro told POLITICO that the presidential hopeful met with a handful of Muslim leaders then toured the facility, which serves 6,000 families at eight branches in Northern Virginia and Washington.

“I think he left the meeting with an entirely different view of what Muslims are and what mosques do,” Marro said. “If he was expecting to see secret nooks and crannies where people are plotting nefarious things, he would have been highly surprised to find there is nothing like that in ours — or other mosques across the country.”

“While I stand by my opposition to the interference of shariah law into the American legal system, I remain humble and contrite for any statements I have made that might have caused offense to Muslim Americans and their friends,” Cain said. “I am truly sorry for any comments that may have betrayed my commitment to the U.S. Constitution and the freedom of religion guaranteed by it. Muslims, like all Americans, have the right to practice their faith freely and peacefully.”

Marro said Cain’s statement was “as close to a heartfelt and sincere apology that I’ve seen from any politician anywhere.”

Because Cain is a Baptist preacher, Marro said, Cain was invited to give a “brief sermon” on an apolitical topic at a later date.

Herman Cain is now hard at work adapting his gospel album for a Muslim audience. They will probably provide his only votes now, since he has decided to take the "I'm a secret Muslim" approach to his campaign. It worked for someone in 2008. [Politico]

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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