Hero Outlaw Ben Nelson To Save Rich-People Tax Cuts


Sure, mini-game proprietor Sen. Ben "Wario" Nelson spends most of his time ambling about in his tree fort, designing challenging mini-games. But sometimes the nation's lowly rich people come under threat from our evil executive branch. And Nelson must put on his green tights and grab his autographed Kevin Costner crossbow and spring into action to save them. Obama wants to end tax cuts for the rich?Very well, then. He will have to contend with Nelson and his band of merry conservative-Democrat men.

Ben Nelson (D-NE), the most conservative of the Senate's 59 Democrats, became the first in his party to say he might side with Republicans on the Bush tax cuts, suggesting he might filibuster a tax bill that allowed tax cuts for the rich to expire.

"It would be very hard for me to support that," Nelson told reporters outside the Senate chamber before a vote this evening.

Afterward, TPM asked him what tools he would use to ensure that the tax cuts for the rich are extended.

"My trusty bow and trademark cunning," he said, sing-songily.

Why do the rich need to keep their tax cuts? Well, they really made a big boo-boo with this whole recession thing, for one, and we need to protect them from all the damage they did to themselves on this. At a time when they're ailing, how can we ask our rich people to contribute as much to government as they did before Bush came into office?

And this is why Ben Nelson has broken ranks to be a hero. Or perhaps it's because he's scared the Republicans will lazily call him a tax-hiker if he doesn't oppose this 100%, and the voters will lazily get upset about this, because they are dumb and it's comforting. But the Republicans will probably lazily call him a tax-hiker anyway, because he is a Democrat and Democrats=tax-raisers, so why put in any effort to differentiate our Wario from that? Yawn.

But whatever. If Democrats get scared and decide they just have to keep all of the Bush tax cuts, Obama can just let them all end. And then the deficit maybe gets slightly smaller, which is a very scary prospect for the future of our nation. [TPM]


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