Anyone who has ever been a server for any length of time has at one point or another been subjected to a religious tract in lieu of a tip. When you see what looks like a $20, only to have it be the above image, it's kind of like getting punched in the balls by Jesus. Usually, as is their wont in virtually all matters, restaurant managers don't really care when their employees get screwed. At most, you might get some sympathy and a pat on the back. One restaurant manager in Charlotte, North Carolina, however, did quite a bit more than that, because she is The Hero We Need.

On Dec. 29, 2015, a server who works at The Dish received the above as a "tip." If you're curious about the actual text of the faux $20, possibly because you haven't expelled enough bile today, here you go:




Things and people will disappoint you. Nothing in this world will really satisfy, that is because there is a void in your life that can only be filled by God, who created you.

Now, we received a few of these ourselves in our time waiting tables, and we've always wondered: have these pamphlets ever worked on anyone in the history of time? Has anyone ever read one of these and gone, "Well, gee golly crackers McGee, I really wanted to be able to buy baby formula, but now that this pamphlet left by a person who just made me work for free mentions it, Jesus sounds like an awesome alternative to my child being able to eat!" We know a lot of fundamentalists are about as sharp as your average bratwurst, but one would think even they would spot the flaw in this cunning plan.

Anyway, the manager at The Dish, Penny Craver, had seen one too many of those damn things (it's the South; we're not exactly shocked at their frequency), and decided to do something about it. And by "something," we mean she laid down the sweetest, politest mic drop the restaurant world may have ever seen:

Pastor Simmons:

I am the general manager of Dish (restaurant) in Plaza Midwood. Imagine one of my server's surprise when she received a small pamphlet (Every one of us will face eternity one day) instead of a tip when she served what I assume was one of your congregation. Her particular religious beliefs are not discussed at work; however, I do know that this pamphlet can not pay her mortgage or her electric bill. It concerns me that someone would consider a pamphlet fair monetary exchange. Suppose your congregation felt it was sufficient to tithe their personal writings instead of 10% of their income. Your church wouldn't be paying their bills for very long. I think it would be great if you used this in a sermon. Pride, one of the 7 Deadly Sins, is considered, on almost every list, the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins: the source of the others. It is identified as believing that one is essentially better than others, failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, and excessive admiration of the personal self (especially holding self out of proper position toward God). I think it could be educational for at least one member of your congregation. Thank you very much for your time.

For his part, Pastor Simmons's response was pretty much, "damn, that's fucked up" (except, you know, more G-rated, because pastor). He apparently worked in food service himself in college, and knows how hard it is out here for a server, and he always tips 20 percent and encourages his congregation to do the same. Pastor Simmons also spoke to the offending customer, who claimed to have left a credit card tip on the receipt. News station WCNC in Charlotte investigated, and found that he did, in fact, leave a tip ... of $2 on a $25.96 bill. Since that's 7.7 percent, yeah, we're going to call enough bullshit to fertilize Montana on this one.

Pastor Simmons did vow that if the tip was not paid, the church would take care of it. Since a 7.7 percent tip legally classifies as "horseshit," it looks it might be time for Jesus to pony up.



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