Heroic Immigration Officials Save America From Chav Menace
A potential disaster was averted by quick-thinking border guards at LAX as they revoked the work visa for diminutive British pop star Lily Allen. Thanks to red tape and foreigner-coddling laws passed by the liberals in Congress, they weren't able to evict the sinister pixie from the country altogether, but without her visa she will be unable to infect American minds with her ultra-catchy brand of reggae-infused pop.
Allen is approximately three feet tall, but she's already openly declared her propensity for alcohol-fueled violence in her song "Friday Night", and actually was arrested for punching somebody with her itty-bitty fist outside a club in London in June. By questioning her for five hours, LAX immigration officials showed the ticking time bomb of terrorism that America won't accommodate her reckless disregard for decent American norms no matter how many records she sells.
The tiny songstress/pugilist also admits to having a third nipple, which almost certainly means that she's a witch.