Herschel Walker Will Stop Mass Shootings With Department Of Looking At Young Men Who Are Looking At Young Women Who Are Looking At Social Media

National Politics
Herschel Walker Will Stop Mass Shootings With Department Of Looking At Young Men Who Are Looking At Young Women Who Are Looking At Social Media

When we last checked in with OFFICIAL REPUBLICAN GEORGIA SENATE NOMINEE Herschel Walker, he was expressing shock and surprise to learn that Donald Trump thinks the 2020 election was stolen. What? DonaldTrump? Thinks the election was stolen? Herschel Walker had never heard him say that! Reporters say that! Not Donald Trump. Pshaw and hooey and poppycock!

Of course, that was earlier in the week. Now Republicans have shifted into Blame New Mass Shooting On Stuff That Isn't Guns mode. And never let it be said that Herschel Walker does not have new ideas. Try this one on for size:



WALKER: There is a person wielding that weapon. You know, Cain killed Abel. You know, and that's a problem that we have. And I said what we need to do is look into how we can stop those things, you know they talked about doing a disinformation, what about getting a department that can look at young men that's looking at women that's looking at social media? What about doing that? Looking into things like that, and we can stop that that way? But they wanna just continue to talk about taking away your constitutional rights, and I think there's more things we need to look into. This has been happening for years, and the way we stop it is by putting money into the mental health field, by putting money into the other departments rather than departments that want to take away your rights.

Indeed, Cain killing Abel is a problem that we have, nobody can deny it. And verily WHAT ABOUT having a Department of Young Men That's Looking At Women That's Looking At Social Media? No one even suggested that before. Why put money into the Department Of Take Away Your Rights when you can just put it in other better departments?

We dare anyone to argue with this.

Also, you thought our headline was a joke. You silly.

Someone on the internet said Tommy Tuberville derped so Herschel Walker could fly. It's truly disturbing that it's entirely unclear Walker would enter the Senate as the absolute dumbest Republican in there. Top 10, for sure. But in a world of Tubervilles and Marsha Blackburns and Ron Johnsons and Rand Pauls? Sheesh.

We'd also add that this should be the last time anyone ever doubts that Donald Trump's best brain is capable of identifying fellow best brains to shove into Georgia Senate races. He found Herschel Walker!

This is almost as good as the time Herschel Walker explained evolution (not real because there are still apes) and how science can't make babies because only God can make babies (duh).

And those are just the idiot words. There are also the lies about his chicken business and the lies about his education and the domestic violence allegations and all the rest of it.

Senator Raphael Warnock, the next few months of your life are going to be fun.

Please win so we can all look back on this and giggle at the hilarity of it all.

Please.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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