By the Comics Curmudgeon
Your Comics Curmudgeon is not a fancy elitist with so-called "cable," but apparently based on clips I've seen on the YouTube, CNN has some kind of giant countdown-to-the-election clock running during its informative news programming? I find this funny and sad, and would like one to hang over my monitor TO STARE DOWN AT ME AT ALL TIMES! As we play out the endgame of this terrible, endless election, let's see what the funny pictures say will happen over the next hundred hours or so.

Click on the cartoons to make them bigger! It is magical.

Obama learns that his endorsement by Colin Powell has come with a price: Obama must allow the former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Secretary of State to pleasure his (Obama's) anus with his (Powell's) fist, in a move Powell likes to call the "the Black Power salute."

The world will discover that, like fluffy kittens, koala bears, unicorns, leprechauns, faeries, and the entire cast of High School Musical, adorable little doggies are deep in the tank for Obama. When McCain emerges victorious in the election, Vice President Palin's first mission will be to hunt down and kill all of these creatures from her deathcopter.

But not all non-human creatures support Barack Obama! Here we see a rare photo of McCain's elusive servant Joe Lieberman -- who, it can now be revealed, is "Nicodemus," leader of the super-intelligent genetically engineered rats from the beloved animated film The Secret of NIMH. He supports John McCain's plan to leave the rosebush and end our dependence on the humans for electricity.

In order to appear better informed and pander to his core constituency of man-animal freaks from classic cinema, McCain had dramatic plastic surgery in order to look more like a representative of the wise orangutan administrator caste from the Planet of the Apes series. This does not prevent his pet from being consumed by Barack Obama's voracious hellhound.

In the waning days of the election drama, somebody finally figured out a perfect metaphor for the McCain campaign: a toilet.

A broken toilet.

Nevertheless, everything once again comes down to Florida! With the race there still tight going into the final days, the two candidates must break the tie in the traditional Floridian fashion: by attempting to fuck a genuine Florida alligator, with points given for style, originality of technique, and stamina.

Then the winner will be hurled into the Sarlacc Pit, the end, see you all in hell.


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