Hey Everyone, Let's Talk About Justin Bieber's Penis, With His Dad!
Not pictured: His dad's pride and joy, apparently.
Dads are great. (Unless yours isn't.) They share wisdom. (Unless yours doesn't.) They go to your piano recitals, and they never fail to support whatever it is their crazy kids get into, even if they don't always know what the hell to think about it. (Unless your dad sucks.) And when pictures of your penis end up on the internet, they're nice enough to look through the pictures and send Twitter congratulations, on your penis. OK, we are DEFINITELY not talking about our dad, and we certainly hope we are not talking about yours. No, we are talking about Justin Bieber's dad, because boy howdy is he proud of his son's penis. Wait, did we say "proud"? We meant #proud, like with the hashtag.
You might have heard about the leaked Bieber Pien pics (NSFW unless you work with a bunch of shrieking Beliebers or homosexuals), but have you seen what Justin's dad tweeted?
Um ... thanks, Dad? Daddy-O? And really, on Twitter? Is there a therapist around?
Not that it would be ANY LESS CREEPY, but here are some other ways Jeremy Bieber could have complimented his son Justin's penis, which would not have made the news:
- Crossing streams on a family vacation. Why a grown father and son would be doing that, WE DON'T KNOW, but at least the internet wouldn't know about it.
- Telling the whole world that if his smokin' hot son, with the bangin' bod, weren't his son, well, ya know, wink wink. Wait, that's definitely not better.
- Snapchat. It's what the Kids These Days are doing.
- He could have sent his son a candygram, like you did in middle school for Valentine's Day, except in this case, it would be Justin Bieber's dad sending a candygram to his son about his penis.
- Old-fashioned letter-writin', in proper cursive, through the U.S. Mail. See?
- Or maybe he could just keep his "My son's got a nice dick" thoughts to himself. JUST SAYING.
OK, to cleanse our palates, and since it's Friday, we should turn this post into a Nice Time, so let's look at Matt Bomer's body in "American Horror Story: Hotel." Don't worry, lady-lovers, there are girls in this clip too!
— Roman | Lady Gaga (@MisterBroRo) October 8, 2015
And now we are all in our bunk, having completely forgotten what this post was about.