Here is a horrifying thing from the Twitters -- you will excuse us, I am sure, from having to actually go and find and watch the video, because you love us and we don't want to -- about how Mark Halperin (above, imitating a "hooman" smiling at an Official Wonkette Baby) thinks that Hillary Clinton will pick a female lady of the Republican variety to be her vice president!


Of course, Hillary Clinton famously hates Republicans, because of how they suck, so badly that she literally can't keep herself from calling Republicans "the enemy," on television, when voters are watching. (This was bad, and though it may be true -- it is true -- we would rightfully flip the fuck out if a Republican candidate called the half of America that is us "the enemy" and you know it, don't even try to fight me.)

[wonkbar title="Leading GOP Female Lights"] [/wonkbar]Are there Republican women who are not crazy? We guess. There is that Maine lady, the one who was Queen of the Universe for five minutes when she miiiight have voted for Obamacare. Nikki Haley is an asshole, but had a moment or two of not actively kicking black people and wasn't stupid enough to try to tell women born with dicks they have to go in men's bathrooms because that'd be fucking dangerous. The chick from Alaska (not her) who lost her mind when the rest of her caucus blocked the Violence Against Women Act and is super queer for the queers. Drunky McAbuseOfPower from New Mexico. Jan Brewer, who took her meds once and would at least be hilarious. The list goes on and on until this period right here.

Would Hillary Clinton pick any of these women, to prove that she doesn't hate all Republicans? It is possible, I guess, that after months of liberals complaining she is just a Republican in Mao's clothing, she would completely shit on those she has been trying to woo by proving she is really a Republican after all and hahahahahaha it is actually completely possible Mark Penn or Dick Morris has her ready to do something mindblowingly dumb, and insulting, and honestly just go fuck yourself.

Let us put this idea where it belongs.

Thank you, baby.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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