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Hi, everyone! How we doin'? Are we holdin' up? Good. Because shit is crazy and we don't know when it's going to be over, but all we know is that at some point it will be over, and hopefully lotsa the motherfuckers currently running this country will be in prison at that point. Otherwise, all we can do is take care of ourselves (IMPORTANT!) and keep fighting and also probably we should eat a lot of pie, because it is always time for pie. OK! Top ten countdown in a second!


First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Mazel Tov Tammy Duck … OH SHIT THE FBI JUST RAIDED MICHAEL COHEN’S HOTEL AND OFFICE! We take ONE DAY OFF and this shit happens.

2. Which GOP Congressman Cussed Trump To Erick Erickson At The Safeway? A WONKVESTIGATION! Our pick, Peter King, denies it. (It is also Samantha Bee's pick, because great minds, etc.) We say PFFFFFFFT.

3. Kamala Harris Is President Of The ‘Ellen’ Show, And It Is GOD-DANG DELIGHTFUL! It sure was!

4. A Very Sober And Serious Lawsplainer Of Michael Cohen’s WORLD OF SHIT. What had happened was!

5. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW 30-YEAR-OLD BABY, DONALD TRUMP! Mazel tov, allegedly!

6. Oh, Shit! He’s Really Going To Do It! Everybody PANIC! He might have done it by the time you read this!

7. Robert Mueller Would Like To Inform The Following People They Are WELL AND TRULY FUCKED. There are almost too many people who are well and truly fucked to count!

8. Trump’s West Virginia Speech: A Dementiasplainer. Some CRAZY BATSHIT right here.

9. The Week In Garbage Men: Tony Robbins, Ted Nugent And Your New Roommate Walk Into A Bar. Y'all sure do like this weekly column from Robyn!

10. Have You Met Our New Writers, A Nice Lady And Wonderbitch? Well HAVE YOU?

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Here's the kind of weird election year 2018 is: Democrat Tammy Baldwin, among the most progressive of the ten Democratic US senators from states won by Donald Trump, introduced a "Made in America Act" bill earlier this month. It would require federal infrastructure projects to use US-made steel, iron and other products, and Donald Trump is an enthusiastic supporter. Even says he'll sign it. But both of the Republican Senate candidates from Wisconsin -- who otherwise insist they love, love, love Trump the most -- have staked out positions against the bill, because, um, well, a Democrat introduced it, so populist made-in-America legislation is probably secret socialism. America Not First if it's a demmycrat idea!

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