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OH HEY FRIDAY! Just when we thought this was just going to be a super fucking shitty day with no good news, Robert Mueller dropped YET ANOTHER superseding indictment on top of Paul Manafort's ass, to go with his earlier request this week for Manafort's bail to be revoked.


We learned Monday night that back in February, after the last superseding indictment came down, Manafort and "Person A" (his lusty trusty Russian spy buddy/former business partner Konstantin Kilimnik) immediately got out their Obamaphones to sexxx-chat their co-conspirators in Europe and attempt to suborn perjury by gently suggesting those guys go ahead and lie to Robert Mueller about their foreign agent work in America. (The New York Times added more detail to that last night.) Since a primary condition of Manafort's bail agreement was DON'T FUCKING DO CRIMES, and witness tampering is a crime, Mueller filed to revoke his bail.

And now Manafort is getting more indicted, for committing more crimes! (Refresh your memory on all the other things he's indicted for RIGHT HERE.) And his buddy Konstantin Kilimnik got hisself a Robert Mueller indictment, which means the FAKE DEMOCRAT WITCH HUNT has found itself a new witch!

The new indictments are pretty simple. Look here:

As we explained the other day, Persons D1 and D2 are former business partners of Manafort and Kilimnik in Europe, who are also described by NYT as "veteran journalists." These are the folks those dumb fuckers started Snapchatting like "Hey bro! Hey bro! Feel like lying to Robert Mueller today? And maybe later we can Netflix 'n' chill? Bro! Bro!" So there's a count for obstruction of justice.

Next:

Conspiracy to obstruct justice! Because according to Mueller's evidence, Manafort and his Kilimnik (did we mention that's Manafort's RUSSIAN SPY BUDDY?) did some conspiring together when they coordinated their dumbfuck plan to poke their European pals on Facebook like "Bro! Bro! Do you even lift, bro? Let's lift weights after work and ALSO PLEASE LIE TO ROBERT MUELLER IN THE FOLLOWING MANNER. Bro! Bro-seph! Bro-cifer!"

And so on and so forth, because we are sure that is exactly how Paul Manafort and Konstantin Kilimnik talk.

In summary and in conclusion, it is time for Paul Manafort and his Russian buddy to GO TO JAIL. Also, while this news doesn't fully turn an entirely shitty news day around, it definitely helps a little bit.

Keep it comin', Bobby Three Sticks!

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[Superseding indictment]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

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The pharmaceutical giant Gilead Sciences, Inc. -- heck of a name for these times -- recently announced US sales of a generic version of its HIV prevention drug Truvada would begin a year earlier than originally planned. The stepped-up schedule for the generic was at least in part the result of pressure from activists, who have made a lot of noise about the fact that Gilead's huge revenues from Truvada -- about $3 billion annually -- came only after the basic research for the drug was done at taxpayer expense, largely through grants from the Centers for Disease Control, which holds the patent on the drug.

At a House Oversight Committee hearing last week, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez let one of the witnesses, Gilead CEO Daniel O'Day, know she wasn't personally blaming him or his greed for the high cost of the drug, which prevents the spread of HIV through "pre-exposure prophylaxis" (PrEP). No, that's all a result of the terrible incentives that come from the fact that the US, alone among developed countries, treats healthcare as a commodity, not a right for all. Which is why a monthly supply of Truvada costs nearly $1800 here, and roughly eight dollars in Australia.

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