HEY-O, IT'S MUELLER TIME! Starring Paul Manafort! Again! LOL!

OH HEY FRIDAY! Just when we thought this was just going to be a super fucking shitty day with no good news, Robert Mueller dropped YET ANOTHER superseding indictment on top of Paul Manafort's ass, to go with his earlier request this week for Manafort's bail to be revoked.

We learned Monday night that back in February, after the last superseding indictment came down, Manafort and "Person A" (his lusty trusty Russian spy buddy/former business partner Konstantin Kilimnik) immediately got out their Obamaphones to sexxx-chat their co-conspirators in Europe and attempt to suborn perjury by gently suggesting those guys go ahead and lie to Robert Mueller about their foreign agent work in America. (The New York Times added more detail to that last night.) Since a primary condition of Manafort's bail agreement was DON'T FUCKING DO CRIMES, and witness tampering is a crime, Mueller filed to revoke his bail.

And now Manafort is getting more indicted, for committing more crimes! (Refresh your memory on all the other things he's indicted for RIGHT HERE.) And his buddy Konstantin Kilimnik got hisself a Robert Mueller indictment, which means the FAKE DEMOCRAT WITCH HUNT has found itself a new witch!

The new indictments are pretty simple. Look here:

As we explained the other day, Persons D1 and D2 are former business partners of Manafort and Kilimnik in Europe, who are also described by NYT as "veteran journalists." These are the folks those dumb fuckers started Snapchatting like "Hey bro! Hey bro! Feel like lying to Robert Mueller today? And maybe later we can Netflix 'n' chill? Bro! Bro!" So there's a count for obstruction of justice.


Conspiracy to obstruct justice! Because according to Mueller's evidence, Manafort and his Kilimnik (did we mention that's Manafort's RUSSIAN SPY BUDDY?) did some conspiring together when they coordinated their dumbfuck plan to poke their European pals on Facebook like "Bro! Bro! Do you even lift, bro? Let's lift weights after work and ALSO PLEASE LIE TO ROBERT MUELLER IN THE FOLLOWING MANNER. Bro! Bro-seph! Bro-cifer!"

And so on and so forth, because we are sure that is exactly how Paul Manafort and Konstantin Kilimnik talk.

In summary and in conclusion, it is time for Paul Manafort and his Russian buddy to GO TO JAIL. Also, while this news doesn't fully turn an entirely shitty news day around, it definitely helps a little bit.

Keep it comin', Bobby Three Sticks!

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[Superseding indictment]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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