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'SUP, WONKERS!

Around this time in the month, you all usually get a very funny post from your editrix Rebecca, where she tells you stories and DEMANDS MONEY. That is not happening this month, because instead we are writing it!

So listen up. If you are a regular reader, you have heard this before. (And you may have financially supported us before! And you may be a subscriber who supports us every month! To you we say THANK YOU and humbly ask you to keep it up and even chip in a little more if you can!)

But maybe you are somebody who just comes by a few times a week, maybe when you are riding the train, maybe when you are driving in the car (EYES ON THE ROAD, BRAIN DILDO). Maybe you saw this on Twitter and you clicked like "what the hell is that Wonkette even talking about right now?"

What we are talking about is the simple fact that times are tough for journalism and publishing, and every single day we hear about some website that's doing layoffs or a newsroom having to cut out its "news" section because "news" has a well known liberal bias that isn't pleasing to its new corporate conservative owners. But not Wonkette!

Not only does this wonderful place that gives you information, sustenance and dick jokes not have ads that murder your browser and make you angry like a common Donald Trump, it's also unique in that ALL our funding comes straight from readers. ALL OF IT. There's no secret slush fund that covers overages, there's no corporate or even nonprofit grant money. Your donations go straight into our monthly budget, which pays salaries for all the full-timers and healthcare for the full-timers (that would be yours truly, on top of Rebecca and Dok), and also pays all the freelance writers you love (by process of elimination, that is the other people not contained in that first category). Oh yeah, and it pays for the "Infrastructure Week" part of Wonkette, which is servers and technical stuff like that. So when we say "we love you, you pay our rent," we mean it literally!

And when we write you one gabillion stories per week and liveblog ourselves covering hearings and reading court transcripts and the whole Mueller Report and say "please send donations, we are dying here," we also mean that literally.

Oh GOD, who put another adorable dog picture right there?

Well, since SOMEBODY brought up dogs, did you hear our idiot Lula sent us to the emergency vet AGAIN, this time on our BIRTHDAY? "Ha ha! I bet you have plans with people who are not the dog tonight! I will show you!" That is what we are pretty sure she was thinking.

Anyway, it was just some kind of fucked up tummy thing this time, but while we were there, the X-rays showed that she, the 14-year-old dog, has developed spondylosis, which is basically like bone spurs on the spine. (That's right, Donald Trump, BONE SPURS. And she ain't even fakin' it!) It's pretty normal for old lady dogs her size, but it can be painful, so obviously we had to start looking at pain management. Long story short, the first prescription involved TEN PILLS PER DAY. (Not ten different kinds, just two prescriptions that came out to ten pills per day, blah blah blah.) Obviously we wanted to do whatever we needed to do for her and make sure she's out of pain, but that seems a bit excessive, yeah? At least enough to get a second opinion?

SO OFF TO THE VET WE WENT AGAIN. And it wasn't some vet we found on the side of the road either, but another vet we had a great relationship with in the past and who takes care of a lot of our friends' and family's pets. Point being, after a full exam, THAT VET wasn't even sure Lula needed any pain management at this point. That's quite a second opinion, right? So ultimately we ended up meeting in the middle, keeping one pain pill prescription that actually seemed to be helping, and now she also gets CBD oil twice a day in peanut better chewies that she thinks are THE SHIT.

End result is that she seems like she's easily a couple few years younger now than she did before she started the new regimen, most likely because of the CBD oil, and also because her damn back doesn't hurt.

What we're saying is that when we say "We love you, you pay our rent," what we really mean is "We love you, you buy our dog cannabis drugs."

And we appreciate that very, very much.

Click the fancy buttons below to up your donations, change your donations, or even donate or subscribe for the first time! (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.) And when you're done with that, go check out our new merch and sit around a spell and read all the wonderful things we and the rest of the Wonkettes write for you today and tomorrow and the next day and the next day, etc.

Thank you, we love, you, DOG DRUGS FUCK YEAH!

Love,

Evan

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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