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Hezbollah Theme Park Is the Perfect Destination Vacation For This Economy

News

Official U.S. terrorist group Hezbollah's poorly named "Museum for Resistance Tourism" is a fun resort destination for children of all ages, and now it is open for business (jihad) in scenic Mleeta, Lebanon. ABC News hastaken the tour, and it seems like it may be better than visiting Cleveland, at least! Like many tourist traps, this place tries to teach you boring history stuff, like you'd get at other hott vacay spots such as Gettysburg or Auschwitz. But it still has fun!


Our tour guide, a high school biology teacher named Rami, walked us through the exhibits. In one building he pointed to small arms left behind by Israeli forces, now stacked in stylized pyramids. Outside, a sunken terrace titled "The Abyss" holds the debris of Israeli tanks and equipment, arranged around what is meant to be a tombstone, emblazoned with the Hebrew acronym for the IDF.

Now they just have to add some pyrotechnics and it will be like one of those cool backlot tours in which the guide on the speaker says monotonously, "Oh no, you guys, it looks like we're in a veritable Waterworld here."

Rami has a ready answer when asked if the museum advances terrorist propaganda.

"I believe it's our right to have our own propaganda. The important thing is that this is the sincere and true propaganda."

Somebody saw Thank You for Smoking, eh, Rami?

The best part is probably the "aerial tramway offering scenic rides from Mleeta to an abandoned Israeli base on a nearby hill," from the sound of it. It will also serve as an exciting part of a chase sequence once Hezbollah branches off into action movies.

But here's the real reason everybody loves Mleeta:

"We're going to build motels, playgrounds, camping areas, even spas or swimming pools so that all of the visitors -- especially our people -- can come here and spend their weekends or vacations, no need to worry about heavy financial duties," said Rami.

NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT FINANCIAL DUTIES, YOU SAY, RAMI?

"Their explanation of why they're doing it is consistent with their other work: as they would say, serving the poor. Now people who can't afford the regular high-class Lebanese resort will have a place where they can relax," [says Judith Palmer Harik, author of "Hezbollah: The Changing Face of Terrorism."]

FREE RESORT! FREE RESORT! FREE RESORT! Would the U.S, government would mind if we went to Hezbollah's resort? It is kind of your fault that the economy is bad and we can't afford Sandals, U.S. government. We promise to not become terrorists or give them any of our money, even if those frozen bananas look tempting. [ABC News via Wonkette pal Alex Hart]

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Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

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The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

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