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Oh, is it time for another Democratic debate at 13 o'clock on the 43rd of Neveruary? Nope, suckers, it's not even time for that. But it is time for a a super sexciting sexhilarating -- wait for it, wait for it -- TOWN HALL! Awwwwwwww yeah. Wait, what?

Dubya Tee Eff Is 'Democratic Town Hall'?

Give us the Must See Appointment TV deets, CNN:

With just a week left until the Iowa caucuses, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and Martin O'Malley will make their closing arguments Monday in a town hall hosted by the Iowa Democratic Party and Drake University and aired on CNN. The event, moderated by CNN anchor Chris Cuomo, will air from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m. ET and comes as Clinton and Sanders are neck and neck in the polls.

Oooooooh Chris Cuomo. Swoon? Dunno. He is on the CNN but he is not the Anderson Cooper, so probably not.

Will There Be Sick Berns And Fightin' Words?

Pffft, no. Why? Because didn't you pay attention above, where we told you that this is not a debate? There will be no Bernie Sanders side eye. There will be no Hillary Clinton grinning through clenched teeth. There will be no Martin O'Malley begging to please say some words, please, can he, huh, huh, please? (No, Martin O'Malley, you cannot.)

Instead, each candidate will have some intimate one-on-one time with Cuomo, as he does "journalism" at them, and they do "answers" back at him, plus also questions from the audience, and all the local Iowa townsfolkpersons get to clap-clap or hiss-boo depending on whether they #FeelTheBern or are in-the-tank shills for Hillary "The Establishment" Clinton, like Planned Parenthood.

Oh No You Di'int, Wonkette.

Oh yes we did. Bite us.

What Is Even The Point Of This Then, Huh?

Good question! We don't know. Fusion had a similar forum, and it was supposedly a good one to watch, if you were one of the half-dozen Americans who gets Fusion TV on your television cable DVR TiVo idiot box.

So Maybe This Will Be Good, Like The Fusion Thing?

It's CNN, so what do you think?

What If We Want To Watch It Anyway?

Good luck with that. CNN says the debate town hall will air on the CNN television channel station and also local Iowa affiliates. It also, allegedly, will live stream on CNN's website, which requires you to have a cable account and doesn't recognize all cable providers. It's not clear whether CNN will make the town hall available to cord-cutting commoners, so the TL;DR answer is "Shrug, dunno" and also fuck you, CNN.

Will You Liveblog It For Us?

No. Because (a) it's not a debate; (b) none of us even have a television with which to watch the CNN except for Dok; (c) we are washing our hair.

Why Do You Hate The Democratic Process, Wonkette?

Your mom hates the Democratic process. Also, we don't; we are just having a real hard time imagining that a CNN-moderated town hall is going to be all that informative or, like, not completely OMG SO BORED boring. But who knows? Maybe we'll be wrong, and then you can tell us what A Idiots we are as you talk amongst yourselves in the comments.

Can We Show Support For Our Preferred Candidate By Purchasing Some Stuff From Wonkette's Fine Online Haberdashery?

Glad you asked. Bernie bros go here. Hillary bros go here. O'Malley bros go fuck theyselves because you know there ain't no such thing.

UPDATE: Is there an audio-only stream that works?

Alert Wonkette Operative ZangoCrudmonger says try CNN radio. It seems to work!

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