YOU GUYS BETTER BE NICE TONIGHT.

Good evening! We'd like to welcome you to the Wonkette Democratic Debate liveblog, where EVEN THOUGH #FeelTheBern and #FeelTheHillz have been making fighty sounds at each other the past few days, we STILL will get to see a more growned-up conversation than anything the GOP can put forth. It will be so 'sciting! If you just stumbled in here and don't know what we're talking about, go read our debate preview and our coverage of the Iowa caucuses, which Hillary technically won, even though it was more of a tie. She probably only won because she's the WIZARD OF COIN TOSSING, so there's that.

You ready? LET'S DO THIS.

Rebecca here now, coming to you from Jane's living room in Detroit, where my brother is no longer passed out in a chair. Which is not something I have EVER EXPERIENCED, and NEITHER HAVE YOU! Thank you Evan and Dok for starting our liveblog intro, but it's feeling a LITTLE TOO PROFESSIONAL IN HERE, and since we're coming from a patented Wonkette Drinky Thing in Automotive Factory City, I am afraid that will not do. GET READY FOR NONSENSE, MAMA'S HOME.

Let's go to my brother, who is ready to weep: "Becca! You have to vote for Bernie, for the Marxist principles our mother taught us!" Well I know SOMEONE who maybe shouldn't knock doors in Ohio! Shall we liveblog? Soon, children. Soon.