Hillary Clinton A 'Chilly Harlot'!
Thanks to a kind tipster, we spent part of yesterday perusing the anagrams of our presidential candiates, which included Hillary Rodham Clinton (Damn Chilly Iron Harlot), Rudy Giuliani (I Rig Dolphin Luau), John Edwards (D'oh! Jaws Nerd) and Joe Biden (I Need Job). Strange, right? After the jump, The Dimmer Switch sheds some light.
Anagrams! Everyone loves them... In an attempt to reinvent myself as a "serious political analyst", I thought it might be fun to run some of the presidential candidates names through the Internet Anagram Server (I, Rearrange Servant) to see if any of their anagrams produced humorous or otherwise insightful perspective on their political aspirations.
Not all of the anagrams I found provided any discernible reflection of the candidate's career in politics, or at least not in the eyes of this serious political analyst. No, these first ones were just too fun to pass up, so I'm throwing these out for your enjoyment.
Barack Obama = Maraca Kabob
I'm not sure what hollowed out gourd rattles spliced together on a savory hickory stick roasted over an open fire have to do with Senator Obama's political views, but it is really fun to say.
Rudolph Guiliani = I Rig Dolphin Luau
Perhaps it's a nod to the time he spent as a district attorney fighting organized crime? Of course, that's assuming one of his cases involved a sting on the black market dolphin trade for entertainment at mobster luaus.
John McCain = In Conch Jam
I'm not sure if this refers to getting stuck in traffic on a gastropod expressway or being submerged in a vat of conch preserves, but I'm certain this has nothing to do with Senator McCain's campaign. Besides, the phrase "conch jam" makes me want to wash my hands.
John Edwards = D'oh! Jaws Nerd
A perfect match if the former senator is a fan of Spielberg's shark tale. Alas, John has yet to mention Jaws as one of his favorite films. I did try contacting his campaign for clarification, I just didn't try very hard.
Bill Richardson = Lord's Chili Barn
Sure, Gov Richardson is both Catholic and of Hispanic heritage, but this phrase seems better fitted for describing a chain of evangelical soup restaurants rather than the two term governor from New Mexico.
Dennis Kucinich = I ID Nun's Chicken
He claims that he saw a UFO, so perhaps picking a nun's chicken out of a lineup isn't too far fetched.
While the first batch were just for humor's sake, this second set of anagrams does seem to provide some insight to their namesake. While these probably aren't as funny as the first set, they're still pretty interesting.
Ron Paul = Lunar Op
Ron Paul is the favored candidate of internet spambots who skew pretty much every online poll where Ron's name is mentioned to his favor. But as far as polling of actual humans, Ron is trailing the ever popular candidate "Unsure" and running neck and neck with "Other". Sure, there's still time for Ron to turn things around, but it's going to take an out of this world effort to do so. Oh, and some of his supporters are lunatics. I didn't say all. Some.
Mitt Romney = Memory Tint
There must be something in that Massachusetts water. Like '04 candidate John Kerry, Gov. Romney has also been dogged by his rival Republicans of being a flip flopper on certain issues.
Joe Biden = I Need Job
In all honesty, Joe really doesn't need the job of POTUS. He's been a Senator longer than I've been alive and generally wins re-election with 60% of the vote. Although his senatorial seat is safe, at age 64 his presidential biological clock is ticking.
Fred Thompson = Depths of Norm
In his ads thus far, Fred has tried to cast himself as the everyman good ol' boy type. He's the guy you'd invite over for supper, or to help you with your horse that's thrown a shoe. He's just your normal, average, everyday joe, who also happens to be running for President.
The following are the two gems of the bunch. These are the ones you're most likely to see on an email forward over the coming months. They're also the ones I'll probably receive the most flak about. Remember, I'm doing my journalistic duty to report the facts (those facts being anagrams), so don't shoot the messenger. So without further ado, here are the grand prize winners:
Mike Huckabee = Meek Hick Beau
Gov. Huckabee is from Arkansas. You know who else came from Arkansas? Jed Clampett. Even though Mike has garnered the support of action star Chuck Norris (and even though I risk receiving a roundhouse boot to the back of the head for writing this), Huckabee's chances of gaining the Republican nod are pretty meek at this point.
Hillary Rodham Clinton = Damn Chilly Iron Harlot
I'm not touching this one. Instead, I'll just sit back and watch my email inbox to burst into flames from all the angry missives about to be lobbed my way. It should be lots of fun. Feel free to stick around, I plan on roasting maraca kabobs over the flames.