Hillary right now

Early Friday morning, while most of America was asleep, early morning-boning, or watching info-mercials about Hoverounds, Donald Trump was atwitter on the Twitter (we see what we did there), continuing to have a temper tantrum about that mean Miss Universe lady Alicia Machado, who wouldn't be an issue in this election if Trump hadn't called her a ginormous hog many years ago. "If you think she's so great, America, you should watch her sex tape! I did! I watch all the sex tapes, because I am a YOOGE creeper!" That was the crux of Trump's message, paraphrased slightly.

Well guess what, chickenbutt? Hillary Clinton can Play Twitter too, but it's different when she does it. First of all, she has adult-sized hands, so she can type her tweets much faster. Also, her campaign is really, really good, and her people know how to help her put together a Twitter rant, whereas Trump's campaign is flaccid and sad. Oh, and there's also that thing about how Hillary's got thick skin, whereas Delicate Donald ...

Let's bask in the glory of an actually presidential human being, beating ass in 140 characters or fewer:

That's right, Hillz, TELL HIM.

Weird, immature dick-babies with low self esteem and bedroom insecurities.

Little Donald is getting made fun of AND president-splained BY A GIRL, and we love it so much.

Oh! We wrote about that Thursday! It's this thing about how, at the Trump National Golf Club in Rancho Palos Verdes, California, little dickwad Donald justĀ can't stand it when female employees aren't hot enough to make Even Littler Donald stand at attention, because he's a fucking pig.

Truly pathetic. It's like he was never held when he was a baby or something.


Hillary Clinton is now eight tweets in, and she's sorry she has to cut this short, but she's got somewhere to be, because she's the only grown-ass adult in the presidential race right now. Let her depart from Donald's company by throwing one metric fuck-ton of shade:

Go ahead, sniffle-britches. Have your tantrum as long as you need to. Hillary will be out there preparing for the actual work of running America, and she ain't got no more time for you.

We think this deserves one more BYE FELICIA!

And then a BOY BYE:

And finally a touchdown dance, because this is what Hillz will be doing the evening of November 8, in heels and a white pantsuit:

And now you are imagining Hillary Clinton doing that dance, which means our work here is complete.

[Hillz on Twitter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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