Yesterday, we all enjoyed ourselves watching Hillary Clinton sit on a stage with Christiane Amanpour and talk about life, the universe, and how "her opponent" (she meant Donald Trump) is a dumb lunatic who can get effed.

The media lost its shiiiitttt. New York Times writers took a break from penning articles about how she didn't get the proper permits for her kitchen (no, really, that's real) to go on Twitter and howl that she wouldn't "take personal responsibility" for being a losing loser who loses because she noted (correctly) that the Comey letter took her from "going to win" to "oh fuck."

She reportedly apologized to President Obama on Election Night, according to Shattered. She apologized to all of us the next morning.

Nobody yet has been able to point me to another instance of a candidate apologizing for losing, and that she did so stomped our hearts. Women always have to apologize. We apologize when someone bumps into us. We apologize when we bump into a table. We apologize when we're right.

But none of those apologies are enough for the Daily News's Gersh Kuntzman, who gets paid to write like the worst, nastiest diarrhea-mouthed rantings of the New York Post. Here is how he begins.

Hey, Hillary Clinton, shut the f--- up and go away already.

Sometimes my mom points out to me that Bernie Sanders -- who is not a private citizen but an elected official representing Vermont -- is out there fighting. Why isn't Hillary? she asks me. I point out that she's given many speeches the media hasn't covered -- the same media that complained she wasn't talking about economic policy but then kept cutting away from her economic policy speeches to show footage of Donald Trump's empty lectern, the same media that now is telling her to shut the "f--- up" and "go away."

Let's copy and paste some more of this fine fellow, who you wouldn't at all fear would start screaming like an unhinged lunatic right in your face:

I voted for Clinton on Nov. 8 and thought she’d be a good president.

But she lost. And she still wants us to feel bad about that. And, worse, she’s still blaming everyone else.

On Tuesday at the Women for Women conference, she reminded us again what a flawed candidate she was last year — and what a flawed person she has always been.

In her talk before a friendly audience, Clinton said she’s writing a memoir — and said it’s “painful” to revisit how Donald Trump beat her like a ragdoll in an election that was a lock.

Painful? We’re the ones in pain, Hillary. You’re making millions to process it. We’re the ones living it.

How dare Hillary Clinton have the same human emotions as the rest of us? How dare she have feelings about people telling her every single day that nobody likes her (except for 69 million people), everybody hates her, she's a crook and a prostitute and she needs to die. What a fucking monster to have feelings about that.

She also said she would discuss the mistakes she made during the campaign — then declined to mention even one. Instead, she fell back on the usual suspects: The Russians and FBI Director James Comey, who indeed meddled in the election at the last minute.

“If the election had been on Oct. 27, I would be your President,” she said.

This is ... true? Like, fairly undeniably true? But it is math, and facts, and Yelly Rage Man is having none of THAT, because he is roiling with hysteria and needs to have his womb chopped out.

Boo hoo.

Sorry, Simon & Schuster may want Hillary Clinton to write the history, but I’m not about to let her re-write it.

Gersh Kuntzman, macho hero, knows what the real issue of the day is, and it is tackling Hillary Clinton to the ground and preemptively yelling at her that her memoir IS WRONG.

Macho hero, has many novels.

No one deserves more blame for the election debacle than Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Let us count the ways:

1. She was, indeed, untrustworthy: Remember her fainting spell at the 9/11 ceremony?

And I think that's about enough from Gersh Kuntzman, who goes on to assert some lies of his own, like that she "called half the country a basket of deplorables," which she didn't -- she quite clearly asserted that half of Trump voters were regular people who had different priorities for policy than she did, and half of his voters were frankly deplorable. And the media went along with the libel that she had called all Trumpers -- or even all Republicans -- deplorable, even as the media knew exactly who half of Trump supporters were. They were racist frogs and David Duke and the people who have told you and me and everyone we know we belong in a gas chamber. Hell, she wasn't even talking about your typical garden variety "blacks are lazy" racists! She gave those fuckers the benefit of the doubt!

Kuntzman's other numbered points include:

2. She ran a very poor campaign (this is where he lies about her "deplorable" comment),

3. But her emails,

4. "Those Goldman-Sachs speeches. You can’t be a prostitute on Wall Street and then go to church on Main Street."

Yeah, he called her "a prostitute."

And now we come to the end, and this funny? self-deprecating? utterly tone-deaf and cringey? UNCLEAR! section:

So, no, I don’t understand why a publishing firm would give Hillary Clinton millions of dollars to not even admit her mistakes. (Full disclosure: I have three far-more-interesting books that Simon and Schuster can have for a fraction of Clinton’s advance, including “Bad Seeds” (an unpublished novel), “Hitler Would Have Double-Parked” (an unpublished novel) and “Publish My Unpublished Novel” (an unpublished novel). So I don’t see why we can’t make a deal.)

Does Gersh Kuntzman's editor hate him? I am guessing so, because that is mortifying, and Kuntzman should be mortified. But now we come to the end-end, and it is this:

The American public does not want a book from Hillary Clinton. It wants an abject apology. And it wants it for free. She got what she deserved: She lost.

Now she needs to shut up and go home.

First, Gersh Kuntzman, you don't speak for me OR America about what "the American public" wants, and have you considered seeing someone about your tendency to make sprawling, grandiose pronouncements? Do you order for the table too, regardless of what it would like to eat? You sound like a malignant narcissist.

Second, there's an odd strain of people -- mostly men -- who can't let go of the desire to ritually punish and humiliate Hillary Clinton, even more than they already have. They have many reasons for this, and they are all as poorly stated and transparent as the above.

She apologized to Barack Obama like an errant daughter. She apologized to all of us and broke my fucking heart. And they want her to do it again and again and again, demanding she simultaneously scourge herself and disappear.

Nothing disgustingly misogynistic and terrifyingly, spittle-flyingly woman-hating about these men.

Nothing at all.


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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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