Hillary Clinton Cannot Even Believe This Sh*t

You know how a big and (actually true!) knock on Hillary Clinton has been that she is kind of secret-y and doesn't think she should ever have to explain herself? You know, "it has been 147 years since Hillary Clinton's last press conference, we will talk about it every day until she holds eight in one month, and then we will forget to mention how Trump hasn't taken a question since July." Well, Hillary Clinton is teachable. Hooray!

After FBI Director James Comey set off a just a tiny dirty bomb in the election Friday by handing Jason Chaffetz of all people a vague, idiotic letter about "MAYBE moar emails? but we do not know? durr durr hurr I am the director of the FBI" that was so stupid that even Republicans were like lolwhutnow? come on man, Hillary Clinton chose to make a statement and answer at least one question. Though she did hold onto her penchant for secrecy when she declined to inform us the secret murder of Anthony Weiner is already on its way.

Hillary Clinton, Friday night.


“I have now seen Director Comey’s letter to Congress. We are now eleven days out from perhaps the most important national election of our lifetimes. Voting has already started in our country. So the American people deserve to get the full and complete facts immediately. The director himself has said that he doesn’t know whether the emails referenced in his email are significant, or not. I’m confident whatever they are will not change the conclusion reached in July. Therefore it is imperative that the bureau explain this issue in question, whatever it is, without any delay.”

Question: Have you spoken to Huma? Are you going to murder her husband whose dick exploded all over your emails yesterday?

Answer: You know, we've heard these rumors. We don't know what to believe! And I'm sure there will be even more rumors. That's why it is incumbent. upon. the FBI. to TELL US what they're talking about, Jeff, because right now your guess is as good as mine and I don't think that's good enough. So we've made it very clear that if they're going to be sending this kind of letter that is only going originally to Republican members of the House that they need to share whatever facts they claim to have with the American people, and that's what I expect to happen.

Not included in the transcript: Hillary's PISSEDNESS at these fucking idiots, though it comes through nicely on camera. Sure, she might not rant and rave like a common temperamentally challenged Trump, but her composure and evil smile -- so icy, if it dropped off your eave onto your noggin it would brain you dead -- are marvelous to behold.

No whining, no drama, just steely-ass Clinton doing her "steely-ass Clinton chick" thing she's honed over decades of listening to you fucking idiots and not even having most of you murdered.

So restrained, our Hillz. So careful, methodical, plotting, plotting.

Anthony Weiner, watch your fucking back.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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