June 19, 2008 05:08 PM
Hillary Clinton Is Greatest Politician Since Pericles
Here's yet another profile from another New York magazine that we read due to boredom, although this magazine is literally called New York. This story is about your favorite recluse, Hillary Clinton, and the last days of her campaign. The writer gets many interviews with her, too! The gist of the story is that because of her utter failure as a politician, strategist and manager for the first year of her campaign, followed by her complete switch to manipulation, demagoguery, lies and pandering after her loss was almost mathematically sealed, Hillary Clinton at this very moment is a "Superstar," the greatest fucking mammal this world has seen or will ever know.
Some arbitrary thoughts:
- Only this can capture the Epic Hero Hillary Clinton, to whom even fucking Zeus answers: "With her back against the wall, she both found her groove and let loose her raging id, turning herself into a character at once awful and wonderful, confounding and inspiring—thus enlarging herself to the point where she became iconic. She is bigger now than any woman in the country. Certainly, she is bigger than her husband. And although in the end she may wind up being dwarfed by Obama, for the moment she is something he is not: fully, poignantly human." Whoa whoa whoa, she's still a human at this point? Isn't this supposed to be the part where every God from every religion enshrines in Hillary their Powers of Light and deigns her Divine Universal Overlord? Oh, that's later? Nevermind then, we'll wait. Hillary is a full human and Obama is a fraud, moving on.
- Hillary wasn't a full human in the beginning, because her husband and Bowser locked her in some sort of castle where the robot slaves were obsessed with fake political experience: "As the architects of her campaign, they believed they were designing a well-appointed estate in which the candidate would be comfortable—but instead it turned out to be a prison, where the iron bars were the leaden rhetoric of '35 years of experience,' 'ready to lead,' yadda yadda yadda. And although it took Hillary some time to realize that she’d allowed herself to be thus incarcerated, realize it she eventually did. The jailbreak she staged came too late to save her from defeat. But not too late to keep her from emerging as a hell of a politician." Hmm... how about "agile" politician?
- This is the part where she kills Bill Clinton: "But from South Carolina on, it would be hard to make the case that she benefited much, if at all, from Bill. 'Actually, from that point on,' says one longtime friend of hers, 'I think you’d have to say that people were voting for her in spite of him, rather than because of him.'" Aside from Bill scaring all the black people away, this is completely false. He just went off the map but was still doing many, many daily events at smaller and more rural areas, a.k.a. the ones that voted for her, where they worship Bill for unknown reasons.
- "And if it [her coalition] had been just a tiny bit broader, she not only would have beaten Obama but put herself in a position to become a kind of female reincarnation of Bobby Kennedy, odd as that may sound." Bobby Kennedy walked into ghettos unannounced, stood on boxes and crates in front of maybe 50 homeless people, and delivered some of the sharpest, most progressive rhetoric of a major 20th century presidential candidate. Hillary Clinton told women that MSNBC's blacks were taking away their right to vote in Florida and Michigan. Now she is Overlord, no longer just a full human, but she was awesome then too.
- "The endless, brutal, wrenching campaign of 2008 would have wrecked a lesser woman. Hillary tells me she feels just fine: 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'" Goddamnit. Why didn't anyone feel sorry for Mitt Romney like this?
The Fall and Rise of Hillary Clinton [New York]