Hillary Clinton Just Screwing Around In Red States Now, For LOLs
She's having far too much fun right now.
Where does that Hillary Clinton get off? She's out there, completely beating Donald Trump's ass, and even worse, she seems to be having FUN doing it. And Politico reports that, what with how she pretty much is leading by 38 million points in all the traditional battleground states, the Clinton/Kaine campaign is screwing around in red states, because A) they can and 2) it puts Donald Trump on the defensive:
When Tim Kaine lands in Jackson for a pair of closed-door fundraisers on Thursday, it won’t be because Hillary Clinton’s running mate is desperate for Wyoming’s three electoral votes.
The vice presidential contender’s trip west to raise cash is taking him to deep-red Idaho after a Wednesday stop in Missouri and reflects the Clinton campaign’s desire to plant a seed of doubt in Trump Tower about the shape of the electoral map.
“Part of what they want to signal is that she has so many pathways to 270 [electoral votes], and the more that the campaign moves toward November the more diverse those pathways get for Hillary and the narrower that path gets for Trump,” said Maria Cardona, a Democratic strategist closely aligned with campaign who was a top Clinton aide in 2008.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605261/lol-hillary-clinton-might-win-the-south"></a>[/wonkbar]Hillary has ALL THE PATHWAYS, and all the pathways have Hillary. The point, as Politico explains, is to fake Donald Trump out (which should be easy, because he's stupid) and force him to spend resources he doesn't really have on states that SHOULD be, theoretically, easy for a Republican. And apparently, it's working, because Politico says Trump is hiring operatives in places like South Carolina and Georgia, because there is a very real danger that Hillary Rodham Benghazi Pantsuit Clinton could actually win the South, as long as she tries REAL hard, and as long as Trump continues being Trump.
We like that Hillary is doing this for a couple of reasons. First of all, we are BIG fans of Howard Dean's fifty-state strategy, because for real, when you are running to be president of America, that includes all the states, and you can't grow the electoral map if you don't work in ALL THE STATES.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605577/lol-hillary-clinton-might-win-texas-probably-not-but-still-lol"></a>[/wonkbar]But also, is everyone familiar with our world-famous internet blog series "LOL Hillary Might Win X"? It is a prize-winning series we do, about how Hillz actually has a chance of peeling off states like Arizona and Georgia, and how Utah Mormons think Trump sucks such a dirty pair of magic underpants that it's WITHIN THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY that Hillary could win there. Oh, and also Texas, where Trump is a measly, weak six points ahead.
So that's what Hillz is up to. Meanwhile, in Dipshit City, Donald Trump told known dipshit Sean Hannity at a town hall meeting that frail old Hillary's health is failing, and that she sure does take a lot of weekends off, probably because she's old and constantly has to go ZZZZZZZZ. He even said this:
"At 3:00 in the morning, essentially, who do you want to be at that phone at 3:00 in the morning?" he asked. "I'll be up, I will tell you that."
Oh fuck off, the only reason Trump would be up at 3:00 in the morning would be if he was spreading his butthurt feelings around on Twitter, because a lady like Elizabeth Warren made fun of him. As for Hillary, Trump might THINK she is sleeping. But as we have just reported in the paragraphs above, she is merely playing possum, lying in wait to snap Trump's Twizzler dick off. IN RED STATES.