Hillary Clinton Just Woman-Carded All Over Planned Parenthood, And It Was The Best


Presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, having made history OR WHATEVER, and a day after being endorsed by President Obama, Vice President Biden and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, visited her BFF BEST PAL 'BORTION BUDDIES at the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, so they could talk about LADY STUFF and also how Hillary is actually, #sciencefact, way more better than Donald Trump on women's issues.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/597814/donald-trump-doesnt-think-megyn-kelly-is-bangable-like-his-daughter-ivanka"></a>[/wonkbar]Whereas Donald Trump talks about how he cherishes women (especially hot ones like his daughter Ivanka!) and how he'll be so good for the ladies, except for when he's calling them fat pigs and accusing them of bleeding out of their wherevers, Hillary, a known woman, wants the ladies of America to know that she has their backs.

After a rousing introduction from the amazing Planned Parenthood CEO Cecile Richards, Hillary came onstage, kicked ass, and took names. Here are some highlights, but as always, WATCH THE VIDEO, YOU SILLY GEESE.

On Donald The Trump:

He ... actually said women should be punished for having abortions. ... He tried to walk back his comments, he's doing that a lot lately. But anyone who would so casually agree to the idea of punishing women, like it was nothing to him ... that's someone who doesn't hold women in high regard. [...]

But don't worry, Donald assures us that as president he'll be, and I quote again, "the best" for women. Anyone who wants to defund Planned Parenthood and wipe out safe, legal abortion has no idea what's best for women. And after all, this is a man who has called women pigs, dogs and disgusting animals. Kinda hard to imagine counting on him to respect our fundamental rights.[...]

When I talk like this, Donald Trump likes to say I'm playing "the woman card." And I like to say if fighting for equal pay, Planned Parenthood, and the ability to make our own health decisions is playing "the woman card," DEAL ME IN.

She is going to kill him in this election, holy shit.

On dearly departed former Democratic Texas Gov. Ann Richards, mother of Cecile:

I just wish Ann were here to see this election. She'd have Donald Trump DOUBLE-TIME.

Yes, Ann Richards and also too Molly Ivins, we would like them back from heaven for a few months, God, if you could get on that.

On how her victory is about WAY more than her:

I am deeply conscious of the reality that this victory belongs to generations of brave women and men who fought for the radical idea that women should determine our own lives and futures. And it belongs to the women and men who fight for that idea today, even in the face of threats and violence.

Yeah, but were all those women and men RADICAL 1% CORPORATE BOUGHT-AND-PAID-FOR BENGHAZI DOERS WHO DO EMAILS A LOT? We think not.

Hillary thanked Planned Parenthood, reciting a litany of what the organization does, from catching a patient's breast cancer early and thus saving her life, to being the first safe place a lot of transgender teens find, where they can truly be themselves. For STD testing, for health screening, for handing out drinking water in Flint. Oh yeah, and also the "A" word, because she is not shying away from that, hell to the FUCK NO:

Thank you for being there for every woman in every state, who has to miss work, drive hundreds of miles sometimes, endure cruel, medically unnecessary waiting periods, walk past angry protesters to exercise her Constitutional right to safe and legal abortion. I've been proud to stand with Planned Parenthood for a long time, and as president I will always have your back.

Hell to the FUCK YES.

Hillz told the history of the Olden Days, when birth control was banned and women often died having illegal abortions, and dropped a few #facts that don't get mentioned enough, like how our maternal mortality rate is way below where it was before birth control and abortion were legal. And how, because of birth control and good, real sex education, "Unintended pregnancy, teen pregnancy and abortion rates are at all time lows." But how do you even punish the sluts if you let them have all the nice birth control and sex ed? Is that even fair? ANSWER THAT, SHILLARY.

Also unfair was when Hillz pointed out stuff like how Republicans will fucking shut down the government to screw over Planned Parenthood, with this observation:

Have you ever noticed that the same politicians who are against sex education, birth control, and safe and legal abortion, are also against policies that would make it easier to raise a child, like paid family leave? (LOUD CHEERS!) They are for limited government everywhere, except when it comes to interfering with women's choices and rights. Well I'm here today to tell you we need to be just as determined as they are! [...] If right-wing politicians actually cared as much about protecting women's health as they say they do, they'd join ME in calling for MORE federal funding for Planned Parenthood.

Were you worried Hillz was going to become some moderate milquetoast in the general election? You shouldn't be anymore!

In fact, she also did a litany of really liberal things we need to work on, like stopping gun violence, raising the minimum wage, passing real immigration reform, and fighting against racism and bigotry wherever we find it.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/594124/carly-fiorina-is-lying-and-everyone-knows-it-even-fox-news"></a>[/wonkbar]At the end of the speech, everybody cheered for the Tyrant Hillary, and they all agreed they should meet up tonight at Carly Fiorina's house, drop a bunch of ILLEGAL BABY PARTS VIDEOS on her front porch, ring the doorbell and run, and then all go out for #girlsnight cocktails.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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