It's March 3, 2020. WHO WANNA TALK ABOUT HILLARY'S EMAILS?
Listen, y'all, can we cut the shit and talk about the important stuff? Like fine, "coronavirus" and "steep slide into authoritarian government," sure, whatever, maybe after lunch, but there's something happening with Hillary Clinton's emails.
Like, on top of how she probably still sends emails to this day, a crime for which she has yet to pay. They are probably like "Yoga tomorrow?" and "Here is that really good book I was telling you about" and "PIZZA PIZZA! BENGHAZI! THE TOP 5 SPIRIT COOKING RECIPES TO MAKE, IN BED!"
Judicial Watch, it is that wingnut jackass "legal" outfit Donald Trump likes to retweet, because it is his favorite source of bath salts conspiracy theory bullshit. The guy who runs it, Tom Fitton, who looks like he plays the bishop in Mormon gay porns where the plot is "buttsex," goes on Fox News all the time and breathes sweet nothings up the president's curious B-hole through the television. It is a whole thing.
This is his Twitter picture.
Told you he looks like a Mormon gay porner.
Point is, Judicial Watch, which was founded by superlawyer Larry Klayman but now they don't like each other, likes to do frivolous lawsuits — especially about #HILLARYSTUFF — and it managed to actually get a federal judge to agree that Hillary Clinton should be deposed, because "emails."
Stop walking away, this is important!
You might think — after the marathon Benghazi Emails investigation by the House Select Committee On Benghazi And Then For Some Reason Emails; and after the exhaustive FBI investigation into Hillary's emails, which cleared her of any wrongdoing; and after the FBI reopening and then reclosing the investigation after it "discovered" some "new" Hillary emails 11 days before the 2016 election; and after the IG investigation into the FBI's handling of the FBI investigation into Hillary's emails; and after the FBI's EXTRA additional special super sexxxy review of the FBI investigation into Hillary's emails; and after the State Department's years-long look into Hillary's emails, which also cleared her of wrongdoing — that maybe this "emails" thing had kinda run its course. You would only think that because you are the Deep State, and also very stinky and stupid.
The judge in question is US District Court Judge Royce Lamberth, who was originally appointed by Reagan. It's a FOIA request case about the State Department's handling of Hillary's naughty #emailz, and the judge in his order explains what had been going on with it before this week's order that Clinton be deposed:
The Court ordered discovery into three main areas: a) whether Clinton's use of a private email server was an intentional attempt to evade FOIA; b) whether the State Department's attempts to settle this case in late 2014 and early 2015 amounted to bad faith; c) whether State has adequately searched for records responsive to Judicial Watch's request.
Because nobody has ever asked and answered these questions before. And they are some big important questions!
Lamberth writes that it is "understandably so" that Judicial Watch wants more discovery in this crucial life-or-death emails case, and that is why Clinton must sit for a deposition, so we can find out her state of mind when she did the emails. They might also need to ask if she was home alone the WHOLE NIGHT of Benghazi, or if somebody came over for some aggravated lesbianing, like that very smart GOP congresswoman from Alabama seemed to want to know.
The judge writes that each round of discovery in this case has left the Court with "more questions than answers." Plus, did you know that Judicial Watch revealed on December 19, 2019, that the FBI had found 30 more Hillary emails behind the couch? What kinda casserole recipes is that fucking monster hiding NOW? Is she emailing them?
Anyway, the judge says this is all the State Department's fault, for not finding Hillary's emails for Judicial Watch in a timely enough manner. He granted Judicial Watch's requests to depose several of Clinton's former employees at State, and granted their request to depose Hillary Clinton, but only on certain very limited subjects, pertaining to "her reasons for using a private server and her understanding of State's records management obligations." Judicial Watch also wants to ask Clinton ALLLLLLLL ABOUT BENGHAZIIIII11!1!1!!, and Judge Lamberth says OK fine, you can ask about "emails, documents or text messages related to the Benghazi attack," but you can't just ask about the government's handling of the Benghazi attack in general.
"It is time to hear directly from Secretary Clinton," wrote Lamberth, who may be under the unfortunate impression that we've never heard directly from her before.
Look, if you think all this is insane, just remember that serious litigants with serious FOIA requests require serious judges to sort things out, and that is definitely what is happening right now.
If you want more details than we have provided, you're going to have to read the damned order for yourself. Or you can watch this video from back in September, where serious person Tom Fitton explains the BOMBSHELLS all this discovery is meant to show.
Hillary Clinton back in court! Federal judge grants SIGNIFICANT new discovery to @JudicialWatch on Clinton email A… https://t.co/W9yjjLQG6O— Tom Fitton (@Tom Fitton)1568897016.0
Recently Tom Fitton was seen on Wonkette spreading conspiracy theories about former Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch doing "wire tapps" to all of Donald Trump's crime friends and family.
You know, in case you still aren't convinced he is a very serious person.
OK, you may now go back to worrying about less important things, like coronavirus or curing cancer or rearranging your spice rack or whatever.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.