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Hooray, an actual witch hunt!


As we all know, the United States military is an all-evangelical Christian fighting force that's been under attack as of late, mostly by the homosexuals and the transgenders being allowed to do their gay-gender diddles in foxholes next to the True Christians, who are busy actually WINNING against ISIS. At least, that's what we hear from the religious right, and they never lie. But did you know there's another threat? It is in the Air Force, specifically a dental office located at Fort Meade, Maryland. Would you believe they gave a Hindu witch lady access to traditional Christian dental drills and laughing gas? This is why we need to make America great again and take our country back:

The Military Religious Freedom Foundation is representing a former Air Force contractor who says she was fired from a dental clinic at Fort Meade, Maryland, after complaining that her co-workers discriminated against her because she was Hindu. She claims they then accused her of being a witch.

Group founder and president Mikey Weinstein wrote in a letter to officials: “We have spoken with witnesses at the clinic under your command who have universally confirmed that, not only did this horrid harassment take place, but ever since the execution of her punishment for failing the religious test imposed by the leadership of Epes Dental Clinic, a particular offending party has effusively celebrated her replacement by a Catholic woman by saying publicly that ‘It's good to see we got an angel, since last time we had the devil.’”

What was this Hindu devil doing that scared this "particular offending party" so? Existing, probably, because the "particular offending party" is obviously A Idiot. And also, apparently, she likes to meditate and stuff:

Reached by Air Force Times, Deborah Schoenfeld said that her co-workers at the Epes Dental Clinic harassed her over her Hindu faith, claiming she was satanic for wanting to practice yoga and meditating.

NOW WAIT JUST A ROOTIN'-TOOTIN' MINUTE. "Schoenfeld"? Is this is a JEWISH Hindu Witch Lady we're talking about? Well, that's obviously even more terrifying to the "devoutly Christian and deeply suspicious of Hinduism" staff at the Epes Dental Clinic. We'd LOVE to know what those folks think about Jewish people, wait, no we wouldn't.

Anyway, other complaints from the letter:

  • She played scary Indian music, which was very offensive to the evangelicals, who apparently were COMPLETELY WILLING to compromise by listening to Contemporary Christian.
  • Somebody at the clinic asked her (and everybody else) to "pray against the recent Supreme Court ruling against same sex marriage, as it is 'an abomination to their religion.'" Wow, these sound like the worst coworkers EVER!
  • She was allegedly fired for saying a cuss at a coworker, though she doesn't know what she said, or to whom she said it. If we had to guess, it was probably either "Fiddlesticks!" or "Hocus Pocus, in the name of Kali the destroyer Goddess!" We don't know if she added "Mazel Tov!" Maybe she married into the Jewish last name or something. But all of that might sound like demon cusses to a Good Christian Air Force Dental Worker.

The military has had a big issue with evangelical Christians taking over and acting like they own the place, even though their religious beliefs have literally jackshit to do with their jobs in the Biggest, Baddest Fightin' Force In The Universe. And likewise, there's been a lot of pushback from the non-wingnut factions of the military. There was the time a dirty atheist forced the Air Force to stop making everybody swear oaths to God, which stuck a great big spiky cucumber up the wingnut Christians' asses. (Pat Robertson blamed the Jews, of course.) Then there was the time the Pentagon had to gently explain that far-right Christians are actually NOT allowed to proselytize to their fellow airmen, EVEN IF they have a good reason to suspect those airmen haven't accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. Oh, and remember that time disgraced chaplain Gordon "Demon-Hunter" Klingenschmitt was fired from the Navy because he said sweet prayers to Jesus? (That did not happen. Klingenschmitt is a damned liar, as his superiors clearly explain he was fired for nondenominational insubordination.)

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So OBVIOUSLY Christians are an oppressed minority in the military now, and the good Jesus-loving people at this dental office have to fight back, against Ms. Schoenfeld, for believing things they find gross.

Good luck, Ms. Schoenfeld, and also to the Military Religious Freedom Foundation. You go kick some wingnut tail with your badass Hindu witch selves.

[Air Force Times / complaint letter (PDF)]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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