Sure, You Got Us Lady. We're Hypnotizing Children For Satan With Bette Midler Movies.

Sure, You Got Us Lady. We're Hypnotizing Children For Satan With Bette Midler Movies.

This week, a nice Christian lady from Troy, Texas, named Jamie Gooch (no relation to Agnes) went all kinds of viral for her very normal rant about the movie Hocus Pocus 2 and how it is a secret plot to do Satanic rituals to all of the little children out there.

First, she posted this missive to Facebook (all the SIC implied):

With the release of Hocus Pocus 2 coming up I would be wrong not to sound the alarm and warn you to protect your children. After all the whole movie is based on harvesting the purity of children's souls so that witches may live on. Hocus Pocus by definition means "meaningless talk or activity, often designed to draw attention away from and disguise what is actually happening." What is actually happening when we watch these films? What are we subjecting are minds to? What are we welcoming into the homes of our families?

Yes, it sure would be terrible not to warn people of this definitely real threat of a sequel to a silly Halloween movie that every millennial has seen 84,000 times since it was first released in 1993.

It seems silly, right, that you would need to consider what is coming through your tv screen. It seems innocent. Until it's not.

I'll try to be brief, Please hear me when I tell you the truth that the Witches and Warlocks in the satanic church abuse and sacrifice children in their "spiritual rituals" to gain more power in the underworld.

Where? Who? And what is wrong with this lady that she knows this is happening and has not done a thing to stop it! In fact, by not reporting this abuse and child sacrifice, she herself is an accessory after-the-fact and should be arrested, immediately.

Because surely, this nice Christian woman would not go around accusing people of committing crimes without absolute proof, right? Not that I am a Bible expert, but isn't "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor" a whole-ass Commandment?

So before you hit play on the night of the premier of this movie please ask yourself if not only your mind but your children's minds are strong enough to ward off the hypnotization and bewitching trance that will be coming through the screen to aid in the desensitization of the coming evil in this world. Don't fall victim to the schemes of hell.

I say all of this because I too have fallen into the trap a time or two, and the spiritual warfare I had to endure because of my own ignorance I wish on no one.

Awaken and rise up Mommas, there's a war being waged on our homes and WE are the gatekeepers.

And I am the keymaster.

You know, I just can't refute this. She's really got us here. She's figured it out! In addition to all of our full-time jobs and obligations at home, legions of us are working to backmask all of the music with pro-Satan messaging, inject Halloween candy with fentanyl, put secret evil Satanic symbols into everything, build massive tunnels under daycare centers, do Satanic Ritual Abuse to children so we can get high off of their blood, ship them all around the country in Wayfair cabinets and, yes, write, direct, and produce Bette Midler movies for the Disney channel. It is an incredible amount of work! We barely have time to sleep, we are all so busy devoting ourselves entirely to doing a bunch of barely perceptible nonsense in the hope that it will lead good Christians astray.

And then? Then we get to go to Hell, which is a bad time, but we will at least be the top-tier cool people in Hell. Or something. This plan doesn't seem very well thought through.

Though let me just say — you don't even want to know what Big Business was really about.

Gooch also spoke to local media about this "issue."

"I believe whatever comes into our TV screens, there are things attached to that. I have seen for myself the things that I’ve watched with my eyes or heard over a TV screen, they become manifested in real life," she told reporters.

This is very true. In fact, it is why I watch so many musicals. I hope that eventually, it will manifest in real life and everyone will be super cool with me bursting into song in the middle of the street. Hopefully the "making stuff manifest from TV screens" team can get on that, sooner than later.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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