We will tell you! Former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg got that subpoena from the Robert Mueller investigation we talked about this morning, the one that asked for all communications with a certain list of people going all the way back to November 2015. Nunberg is supposed to appear in Mueller's office on Friday! But instead, the Washington Post just published an interview with Nunberg where he stomped his feet and lost his shit saying he's NOT GOING, because Robert Mueller is NOT HIS REAL DAD, and it would take WAY TOO MANY MINUTES to go through all his emails to find what Mueller wants to see.

“Let him arrest me,” Nunberg said. “Mr. Mueller should understand I am not going in on Friday.”

Nunberg said he was planning to go on Bloomberg TV and tear up the subpoena.

Um. OK, buddy!

So of course, Nunberg immediately called Katy Tur on the MSNBC network, so he could have a live temper tantrum for 15 minutes or so. It was ... HOLY SHIT.

MSNBC is throwing up these videos on Twitter as fast as they can, and Wonkette transcribed the thing in real time as fast as we could, so we are going to just throw those things at your face right now, is that OK with you? You get videos, and you get insane quotes, and you will like it. (UPDATE! Now we have the full video, so we have stuck it in right here!)

That is some video! Now here are some quotes!

Sam Nunberg is NOT gonna say nothin' mean about Roger Stone, whom he loves many times!

You know what, Mr. Mueller! I'm not gonna cooperate when they want me to come into a grand jury, to insinuate that Roger Stone was colluding with Julian Assange. Roger is my mentor. Roger is like family to me. I'm not gonna do it!

And Sam Nunberg doesn't want to spend 80 hours looking at his emails, because TOO MANY HOT DATES and WASHING HIS HAIR THAT DAY:

Why do I have to spend 80 hours going over my emails? What does Bob Mueller need to see my emails, when I send Steve and Roger clips and we talk about how we hate people? [...] I'm not gonna spend 80 hours because a bunch of FBI agents and a bunch of US attorneys want ... to harass me!

But wait, Katy Tur said! Sam Nunberg has said in the past week that the Russia investigation isn't a waste of time and taxpayer money. "What has changed?"

When I got the subpoena, it was ridiculous to me! [...] Give me a break!

But hey, Katy Tur said! What if Robert Mueller arrests you? (Because to be clear, that's what's coming.)

I think it would be funny if they arrested me. I think it would be REALLY REALLY funny if they arrest me because I don't want to spend 80 hours going over emails that I had with Steve Bannon and Roger Stone.

OK, mister sane man!

But wait, Katy Tur said! You literally will go to jail:

I'm not gonna go to jail! He's not gonna do anything!


And what about all the communications they want with people who aren't Steve Bannon or Roger Stone?

Do you think I communicated with Corey Lewandowski???? Corey was the one who screwed me over and got me fired from the campaign!

Nunberg added, for no reason in particular besides stating the obvious, "I think my lawyer's gonna dump me right now." WE BET.

Katy Tur asked, "Sam, did you find an email in the last 24 hours that made you worried?"


Got it? Sam Nunberg didn't look at NO EMAILS!

Know what upsets Sam Nunberg?

You know what the other thing, Katy, that really upset me? [...] Roger and me were treated very terribly! [...] If Roger and me were [not fired from the Trump campaign], Katy, we would've had the Benghazi parents there at the first debate. We would have had Bill Clinton's illegitimate black child there at the second debate ...


Hey, Sam Nunberg, said Katy Tur! Did Donald Trump commit crimes during the campaign? Do Mueller's investigators have something on him?

I think they may. I think he may have done something during the election.


Finally, Katy Tur asked if anybody from the White House or Trump's legal team or Roger Stone or Steve Bannon had contacted Nunberg and told him to do this, and this was his reply:


And um ... well, that's what just happened on MSNBC!


Also pretty sure Robert Mueller already has all of Sam Nunberg's emails, so it will be fun watching him get hauled off to jail and dealt with even more harshly than if he had just fucking cooperated, Jesus Christ, WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT.

UPDATE: After Nunberg hung up with Katy Tur, he called CNN's Jake Tapper and THE HILARITY CONTINUED!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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