The Day Has Finally Arrived. Your All-Day Biden/Harris Inauguration Liveblog!
As we type this at you, Donald Trump, that motherfucker, has just lifted off on Marine One from the White House, for the very last time ever in world history. He was supposed to leave much earlier, but we imagine he was busy taking a shit. He's now on his way to Joint Base Andrews, where a crowd of military that's required to be there, plus whoever else Trump managed to bribe or coerce into showing up to wave him "bye bye!" will greet him, so that he may get on Air Force One for the very last time and fly the fuck away.
And then we can breathe one of the many deep sighs of relief we will breathe today. Because it's here. For real. It's January 20, 2021, and as of noon, Donald Trump is not the fucking president. Exhale.
This will be your inauguration day liveblog, and we'll be here updating it all day. Wonkette will have other posts, of course, like for instance on Trump's last-minute pardons of Steve Bannon — who was literally being prosecuted for fucking Trump's own supporters out of their WALL money — and a bunch of other people. We'll do our best to share you those posts in here when they go up.
Here's live coverage of the day, from NBC News:
9:08: Donald Trump and his weirdo family have taken off from Andrews. He gave a speech. It was stupid. He literally said "have a good life" to the small crowd that had gathered. He said, "We'll be back, in some form." Great.
Oh also MSNBC reports that Trump did in fact leave Biden a letter of some sort. Can't hardly wait for that.
Once Trump was wheels up in the sky, the Bidens came out of Blair House, where they stayed last night. It's their town now, IT'S THEIR WHOLE TOWN!
9:15: In case you did not see it, here is actual video of Trump and Melania getting the fuck out of the White House for the last time in human history.
9:20: The Bidens are at church, with people like Mitch McConnell, who did not go to Trump's going away ceremony. Guess who DID go to Trump's thing? Lauren Boebert, one of the wackass congresswomen from QAnon. LOL.
Axios is out with another inside dispatch of how Trump turned on Mike Pence. It started with a Lincoln Project ad, about how Pence would be the one to put the final nail in Trump's coffin on January 6. It drove Trump batshit and he threatened to sue the Lincoln Project. He didn't know what traditionally happened on January 6 before he saw that ad, that the vice president presided over the certification in a ceremonial way.
9:48: If you're curious how today is going to go, the official festivities start in about 12 minutes at the Capitol. Kamala Harris will be sworn in as vice president first, by Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor. Sometime a little bit before noon, Joe Biden will take the official oath of office.
The New York Times says Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, and Garth Brooks will be sworn in as secretaries of State, Defense, and Having Friends In Low Places, respectively.
Oh wait, they are just singing. Our bad.
After that there will be more things. They "review the troops," they lay a wreath at Arlington, and then there will be a virtual parade, led by Tony Goldwyn, the hot president from "Scandal."
9:52: Greta Thunberg, DOING THE SHADE.
He seems like a very happy old man looking forward to a bright and wonderful future. So nice to see! https://t.co/G8gObLhsz9— Greta Thunberg (@Greta Thunberg)1611150891.0
9:58: Here is your message from Barack Obama to his firstborn son we mean vice president Joe Biden, of whom he is very proud today.
In other news, Joe Biden told Trump's surgeon general Jerome Adams to GTFO, and he did.
10:05: Michelle and Barack Obama have arrived and they look exquisite and Hillary Clinton has arrived, and oh my god can you imagine if Trump and Melania had actually stuck around? He's too small for an event of this magnitude. Wouldn't be able to hack it.
10:09: Mighty different scene from two weeks ago, when Donald Trump incited insurgents to attack it.
10:11: Got a picture for your spank bank, it is Joe Manchin taking a picture.
10:15: Mike Pence is arriving.
In other new Melania wrote thank you notes to her staff, just kidding she had one of her staffers write thank you notes to her staff.
10:25: Biden on his way!
Meanwhile Ted Cruz is there, which TBH we think he should have been disinvited since he is one of the elected officials whose constant pushing of THE BIG LIE helped incite Trump's coup. Just a fucking thought.
Also there: South Carolina wingnut asshole Governor Kristi Noem. So that's weird.
Noem https://t.co/Nzui8SvbjU— Igor Bobic (@Igor Bobic)1611154841.0
10:29: And here they are.
10:30: More screengrabs!
10:35: Ohhhh look, it is your senators from Georgia, also being sworn in today!
10:37: Here is your video of Hillary Clinton arriving at the Capitol.
By the way, we wrote something last night about how we never called the outgoing president "President Trump," except maybe in jest a couple times, and it just published. You may read it if you wish.
10:40: Josh Hawley is also there, which is weird since he is a seditionist.
10:45: Something something Al Gore's face.
And another very cute tweet from Raphael Warnock from last night:
And Obamas, and everybody is just noting that she. is. exquisite.
10:56: Seriously, just watch these two walk in:
11:00: Here comes Vice President Dumpstupid and Mother.
At least they had the class to show up and get made fun of.
9 am, tequila time https://t.co/DGtyvQVjiB— Master Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King (@Master Rebecca Schoenkopf, Wonkette Editrix, King)1611158289.0
11:05: Welcome to the day you lose your job, dickhead!
11:11: And here comes your new American vice president and her husband, and that's the moment we started choking up for the first time today.
11:17: And your new president and first lady.
Joy Reid notes that for the first time in four years, there will be a real love story in the White House. We'd add that there will also be one at the Naval Observatory, since Kamala and Doug are like giggly newlyweds.
Remember how you felt four years ago on this day. Just remember.
11:21: Meanwhile, the two fascist dipshits have deplaned in Florida, and that ain't their plane no more.
11:26: Amy Klobuchar just spoke, and now GOP Senator Roy Blunt, who planned the 'naug with her, is speaking. Something something Roy Blunt's face.
11:30: This is the guy who comes out and sprays down the podium after each and every speaker spits all over it with their face. Because the pandemic is actually real!
11:32: Is this the sassiest picture ever taken of Bernie Sanders? Sure why not.
The pose. The mittens. The social distance. https://t.co/kwHH7AzZY8— Vulture (@Vulture)1611158942.0
11:38: And now for the traditional visit from Lady Gaga! She is singing the national anthem.
11:42: The Vice President of the United States.
11:45: Oh my god, y'all, we just watched Harris take the oath with the sound off as Jennifer Lopez started singing "This Land Is Your Land" and now we are for real crying.
11:48: Amy Klobuchar just said that was definitely the first time J-Lo ever opened for Chief Justice John Roberts.
Here's Kamala and Doug just after she took the oath.
Oh yeah, and ...
Donald Trump is not the president of the United States.
President Biden is. (OK, technically starting in eight minutes. But John Roberts called him "Mr. President," so that works for us.)
Inaugural address begins now.
11:55: Here it is, the first shitty Wonkette screengrab of President Biden.
11:57: If you're wondering how QAnon is handling this, HOO BOY.
12:00: OK it's noon, Trump's nuclear codes just stopped working, Trump's power just evaporated, Trump is less than nothing.
Biden talking about "unity" or some shit, it's fine, we're bored.
OMG WE ARE BORED. WE HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED TO BE BORED.
12:09: Hahahahaha, QAnon looooooooosing it.
"Q was a LARP the entire f---ing time." "There is no plan.' "It's over and nothing makes sense... absolutely nothin… https://t.co/vFbD0WSqMe— Ben Collins (@Ben Collins)1611161927.0
[monkey's paw twitches] https://t.co/RcQre6X94Y— lvl 46 dog-faced pony potus (@lvl 46 dog-faced pony potus)1611160930.0
https://t.co/250tBpxg5m— Jared Holt (@Jared Holt)1611162038.0
12:15: And now Garth Brooks is here to sing "Amazing Grace."
Which is weird, because we were totally expecting him to sing his rewritten cover version of the John Mayer classic, "Joe Biden Is A Wonderland."
Oh well, missed opportunity.
And Garth just asked everyone at home and at the Capitol to sing the last verse with him, and people are saying "Amen!"
12:20: Amanda Gorman, the first ever National Youth Poet Laureate.
12:24: Well Amanda Gorman is fuckin' cool and everything, right?
12:28: Quite a camera angle of Vice President Harris singing along with Garth Brooks to the last verse of "Amazing Grace" with Mike Pence's head in the foreground.
12:31: And now they walk out, but not before Barack Obama can hug Kamala Harris.
In other news, Trump's racist 1776 Commission website has already been taken offline.
Also in other news, you may now read Liz's post on El Fuckhead's grifty criminal pardons.
And other Wonkette posts! They are all there! Like this one about the Latinos for Trump wanting the election tossed, and this one about Joe Biden's Peloton, which answers the question: is it just a Peloton, or is it HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP PELOTON?
12:41: By the way it's safe to follow the official White House and presidential Twitter accounts again, officially.
12:53: Here is the full Amanda Gorman poem, if you'd like to watch it again.
FULL AMANDA GORMAN POEM: “We will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one…There is always light, if only we’… https://t.co/W8kx2jxI9D— NBC Politics (@NBC Politics)1611164662.0
1:05: Vice President Harris and her husband saw the Pences off, like classy people.
Meanwhile, here is a post about President Biden deleting Trump's stupid racist 1776 Commission report.
1:07: Poor Mark. Somebody buy him a soda and bring him over to the dark side.
Mark Leggiero is the one lone Trump supporter out in front of the NYS Capitol. He says he expected a few thousand p… https://t.co/sFCdEt9TNP— Morgan Mckay (@Morgan Mckay)1611161200.0
1:16: If you are curious what is happening right now, President Biden is SIGNING STUFF.
Like executive orders to make us all gays and communists, probably.
1:24: See? Like we said, signing stuff. That's probably the exec order declaring every Friday to be Free Abortion Fridays, because that sounds like a thing Democrats would do.
1:40: Seventeen GOP House freshmen sent President Biden a letter about working together. Madison Cawthorn signed it. We need you to see Madison Cawthorn's signature.
Right now there is a traditional gift-giving ceremony happening where Roy Blunt gives the President and First Lady a painting and Amy Klobuchar gives the Vice President and Second Gentleman some crystal vases and Mitch McConnell is about to give the Vice President a flag and we bet they get Olive Garden gift cards next.
1:50: Do you need some new swag that says "King Joe" because of how Joe Biden is the real socialism and socialism is the real authoritarian dictatorship? Got you covered.
2:00: This is the part where President Biden and Vice President Harris review the troops and make sure they are indeed troops and if anybody's shirt isn't tucked in they say "Hey, tuck your shirt in!" Or something. This serves as a good time to remind you that President Biden is now in control of the nuclear codes and tonight when you go to bed, you don't have to worry about that anymore.
2:10: File under "elections have consequences and Mike Pompeo is fuckin' GONE." The Twitter account for the ambassador to Israel now says "Ambassador to Israel, the West Bank and Gaza."
Twitter account for US Ambassador to Israel has been updated to read "U.S. Ambassador to Israel, the West Bank and… https://t.co/w2cApDBZdc— Josh Lederman (@Josh Lederman)1611169595.0
Biden and Harris on way to Arlington now.
2:17: Uh oh, looks like Georgia's dream team has been sworn!
Now representing Georgia 💪 https://t.co/M1r6Gq2c4P— Jon Ossoff (@Jon Ossoff)1611169099.0
Y'all meanwhile you have to check out this Elie Mystal thread of sad lonely Trump supporters doing one-man protests all over the country.
2:27: KAYLEIGH MCENANY WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT SHE ALSO TOO LEFT NICE NOTES.
Wishing all the best to President @JoeBiden’s incoming press & communications team. Left these notes for… https://t.co/felYwqWtnO— Kayleigh McEnany (@Kayleigh McEnany)1611165352.0
2:36: Former presidents and first ladies at Arlington awaiting the arrival of the new president and vice president.
To be clear, that's the 42nd, 43rd, and 44th president of the United States at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
The 45h president thinks troops are suckers and losers, and is banned from Twitter.
2:44: And now the 46th president, and Madam Vice President.
2:48: It's happening, it's really happening.
3:01: Next up, President Biden and Vice President Harris go to the White House, where Biden will sign like 17 executive orders undoing as much as El Shithole as he can by the stroke of his pen. They are actually going to physically walk to the White House with military escort.
Hit that link for all the sexxecutive order things Biden is doing. Rejoining the WHO, rejoining the Paris climate agreement, canceling Trump's Muslim ban, protecting DACA recipients. All kinda stuff!
3:25: They do this shit so damn fast.
So hey, kids, we are going to OFFICIAL wrap this liveblog. But there's gonna be a parade, so feel free to hang around and watch, and if we see something cool/funny we'll add it.
But hey, you there. Wonkette is fully funded by YOU, you remember that. If you love us having salaries and you love reading these liveblogs, hit those buttons below to donate.
Thank you we love you bye.
Oh, and Dok post on that amazing poet laureate woman comin' atcha very soon!
3:47: Some pics from the parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.
And in this one Al Roker managed to get Biden to jog over and fist bump him, because today is the day America has a president who can jog again.
3:53: And now they are home.
Next, the Howard University marching band will walk Vice President Harris and her sexxxy trophy husband to the White House.
4:03: The Vice President of the United States is a Black, Asian-American woman. The Vice President of the United States is a Black, Asian-American woman. The Vice President of the United States is a Black, Asian-American woman. The Vice President of the United States is a Black, Asian-American woman. The Vice President of the United States is a Black, Asian-American woman.
Reporter shouts out and asks the vice president what her first priority is. She replied, "Walkin' to work!"
4:07: Vice President Mom-ala.
4:11: Harris 'n' Doug head up the stairs into her ceremonial office in the OEOB (Old Executive Office Building), though the news notes she will do most of her work in the office in the West Wing.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette needs you to keep us going forever. We love you!