Hooray, Trump Might F*ck Off To Florida Soon And Never Come Back!
Donald Trump GIF by Election 2016

Good news! CNN is reporting that Donald Trump might fuck off to Florida and never come back. He's going to his trash palace called Mar-a-Lago for Christmas and New Years, and maybe he just might stay there, because of how nobody ever wants to see his goddamned face ever again. If Trump does this, it will be pretty great because those poor Secret Service agents won't have to hoist him into a forklift and catapult him out of there at noon on January 20, which would just be a real pain in the legs, if they haven't done leg day lately.

The reporting says guidance given to staffers just kinda ends after New Year's, and maybe he'll come back, but there have been "discussions" about Trump staying there.

To be clear, despite the idiot coup they are clearly trying to pull, Trump and his family know the time has come for Daddy to sulk off to Loserville and continue being the loser he is, always was, and always will be. The bullshit Trump election-stealing lawsuits will probably come to an end soon, with the Electoral College meeting next week to officially elect Joe Biden president, and with Rudy Giuliani up there in the hospital doing corona-farts. CNN reports that they've been renovating Trump's private chambers at Mar-a-lago, and hey, what's this? Jared and 'Vanky bought a $30 milllion lot on Indian Creek Island in Florida, near Miami, the exclusive highly secure development nicknamed the "Billionaire's Bunker"? They will build a tasteless dream home there, because Trumps ain't got no taste? And it will be there because they're not welcome to set foot in New York City ever again and probably want to stay away from the New York state authorities as long as humanly possible, just like Daddy does?

Mazel tov, we guess.

Of course, who knows what exactly is going to happen, what else we will be forced to endure before the sun sets on January 20. NBC News reports that Trump has been thinking about maybe doing his own Hitler rally on Inauguration Day, to try to steal the thunder from the actual inauguration. Axios has confirmed that reporting. He wants to do some dramatic thing where he flies off the White House lawn, blah blah blah, we really don't care. The point is that he's weaksauce chickenshit who doesn't have the self-confidence to peacefully hand power to its rightful owner, Joe Biden, who beat his ass. As for whatever rally he might plan, where he maybe will announce his 2024 candidacy, good luck getting that aired anywhere besides OANN, buddy, because nobody gives a shit.

This is all so tiresome.

Whatever happens, it's not like Trump is doing anything of value while he's still stinking up the White House. As far as we can tell, aside from plotting his clown coup and aside from how he loses to Joe Biden in some way literally every day, his life there consists these days of whining on Twitter (as usual) and watching TV (as usual). Also, Axios reports Trump is thinking of giving pardons to "every person who ever talked to me." That's right, he doesn't just want to try to pardon himself and his garbage crime family, he wants to pardon even associates who don't necessarily want them because they don't think they have been committing any particular crimes. He's reportedly blurting out in the middle of conversations that maybe he should pardon the person he's talking to. And sometimes they're like ... what?

To wit, per Axios:

  • One source felt awkward because the president was clearly trying to be helpful but the adviser didn't believe they had committed any crimes.
  • The adviser also believed being on the list could hurt their public persona.

LOL, that fuckin' idiot. He can't possibly imagine why actual innocent people -- does he know any of those? -- might not want to be remembered in the history books on Trump's Crime Pal List with Dinesh D'Souza and Michael Flynn and Joe Arpaio and Roger Stone and other zits on the ass of humanity.

So that is a thing Trump is doing, in the White House.

Also he is giving out the Presidential Medal of Freedom and then confusedly waddling out of the Oval Office early and leaving the medal recipient hanging, because he can't even muster the energy or enthusiasm to give out medals, because he's that much of a loser. Watch this video:

Go the fuck to Florida, President Lose-So-Much. Nobody wants to see you ever again.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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