Hope Hicks Can't Answer That, But Holy Crap, The Stuff She DID Answer! A Liveblog!

The transcript from Hope Hicks's testimony before the House Judiciary Committee is out, and golly, it seems like a fun time was had by all. In a statement accompanying the release, Chairman Jerry Nadler notes that Hicks refused to answer 155 questions in total, because the White House is claiming that Hicks has "absolute immunity" from testifying as to anything that occurred while she worked at the White House. ANYTHING. You will see how ridiculous that is in a moment.

However, despite her refusal to answer all those questions, she definitely answered some stuff! Like, for instance, she said she thinks Trump was pretty serious recently when he announced his intention to commit election crimes in 2020 by taking dirt from foreign adversaries. She also dropped some VERY CURIOUS knowledge about the pee tape! Aren't you excited that the pee tape simply will not go away? Because it's probably real?

Nadler notes that Hicks brought SIX lawyers with her: two private lawyers, three White House lawyers, and a ... Department of Justice lawyer? We guess Bill Barr had to have his guy in the room, in order that he may be the best cover-up artist he can possibly be for Donald Trump. Nadler called the stable of lawyers a "traveling law firm."

Hicks's SIX LAWYERS repeatedly asserted that she had "absolute immunity," and Nadler is here to assert early and often that he is confident their claims will be absolutely destroyed in court. From his statement:

The Trump Administration's claim of "absolute immunity" has no basis in law. The courts have already decided that "absolute immunity" is "entirely unsupported by existing case law" and "virtually foreclosed" by the Supreme Court.

He notes that they haven't invoked executive privilege, because even those idiots know all this stuff is in the publicly released, redacted Mueller Report. Can't invoke executive privilege over stuff that's already out there!

Shall we read this dang thing together, and laugh at it, and learn stuff about the pee tape, which is apparently not covered under "absolute immunity"? Yes!

10:15: As we noted, the "absolute immunity" thing got pretty ridiculous, pretty fast. Nadler began by questioning Hicks on what she knows about Corey Lewandowski, and she confirmed that she met him on the campaign, he was the president's campaign manager, and that he was not hired for the transition team, to her knowledge. Nadler then asked if he was hired for the administration, at which point I OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! (p. 11)

"With all due respect, that is absolute nonsense as a matter of law." And with that, Nadler summed up the Trump administration's legal strategies in 13 words or less.

Were there any other objections, besides this "absolute immunity" folderol, which Jerry Nadler has said this week he fully plans to "destroy in court"? No, sir. And are they asserting privilege? No, sir.

Nadler was leading up to questions about what happened in June of 2017, as detailed in the Mueller Report, when Trump asked Corey Lewandowski -- a private citizen -- to intervene at the Justice Department to get Jeff Sessions to reverse his recusal from the Russia investigation or get YOU'RE FIRED. According to the report, Hicks played at least some small role in that act of obstruction by the president, yet the report does not rely on her firsthand testimony of the event.

So Nadler began by asking Hicks where her desk was in the White House (p. 15), at which point I OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! She cannot answer that. The attorneys tried to act like the "absolute immunity" for which they were arguing had some sort of legal basis, but Nadler was like LOL fuck off, saying, "I'm not going to debate it. It's nonsense." He added that they'll argue all that out when he beats the shit out of them in court.

And so they would go. Nadler was hellbent on making sure the White House lawyers asserted their BS "absolute immunity" to literally every question asked, that they re-asserted that no, they were not asserting executive privilege. He also made clear with Hicks's personal counsel each time that his client was not asserting any other sort of laughable claim of legal immunity. And they'd move to the next one!

Moving on.

10:46: On page 19, Nadler tries a new tactic. Instead of asking Hope Hicks questions about what happened in June of 2017 with Corey Lewandowski, how's about he just ask her to read what the Mueller Report says about it? GONNA SAY "ABSOLUTE IMMUNITY" to that one?

So Hopey read everybody a story, from the noted children's book Oh, The Justice You'll Obstruct!, which was given to Donald Trump when he was just a wee young criminal (allegedly):

Isn't that a good story? Trump had Corey Lewandowski -- a private citizen -- take dictation on what he should tell the attorney general of the United States to do, in order to obstruct the lawful investigation into the Russian attack on the 2016 election. And here's Hope Hicks reading it to the whole class! (You see why hearings like this need to happen not behind closed doors, but on television? So that Americans who haven't read the Mueller Report (most Americans) can learn stuff? We know we're going through a process here, of compelling these fuckers' testimonies and beating down the White House's dumbshit legal arguments, but at some point very near in the future, Congress needs to STOP. LETTING. THESE. ASSHOLES. TESTIFY. IN. PRIVATE.)

After Hicks read that, Nadler asked if she remembered being there for all the stuff she had just read, to which the White House lawyer loudly said I OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! Because this made-up bullshit LOL claim of "absolute immunity" from White House Counsel Pat Cipollone means people cannot say whether they remember things that are part of the public record.

Uh huh.

10:55: You think we're kidding. You think "surely the White House has people who are good at law." To which we reply hahahaha fuck you, there is no good lawyer willing to work for Donald J. Trump. They are all hacks and dumbfucks and weak and sad and bad at law.

Page 21. Did Corey Lewandowski work at the White House? Which is just a matter of public record, and we already know the answer anyway? I OBJECT!

For the record, "Purpura" is "Michael Purpura, deputy counsel to the president." We want you to have his full name for when you are making fun to him with your future grandchildren and your grandchildren's grandchildren.

10:59: Page 22. ANYTHING? Hope Hicks cannot talk about ANYTHING that happened while she worked at the White House? Hey, quick question: "Did a war break out between Israel and Egypt during that time period?" To which Purpura replied, "Same objection." For real.

As we noted above, Nadler is asking each and every time, so that a judge may laugh at all of it later.

11:24: Page 25:

Nadler has Hicks read the letter Trump dictated to Corey Lewandowski, as told by the Mueller report, which was what Jeff Sessions was supposed to say about how he was a very bad boy for recusing himself, yadda yadda, more obstruction of justice, etc.


You'll notice at the end that Nadler accidentally calls Hicks "Ms. Lewandowski." Wingnuts and other Trump-breathers are VERY upset about this.

10:29: Like we said, they are VERY UPSET. Here is former Trump adviser Jason Miller -- you remember him! The walking tub with what appears to be a talking butt-gina in the center of his face who had a SEXXX PREGNANT SCANDAL with another Trumper! -- saying very normal things on Twitter about Jerry Nadler accidentally calling Hope Hicks "Ms. Lewandowski."

Golly gee, Mr. Butt-Gina Mouth! Thank goodness Nadler didn't accidentally call Hope Hicks "mom"! How embarrassing would that have been!

11:34: P. 26. Hicks forgot to read the part of the passage above where it says "THE PRESIDENT DIRECTED" Jeff Sessions to give a speech saying all those lying, justice-obstructing bullshit things about Trump. She was like OOPS, so she read it aloud for the whole class.

11:35: Nadler proceeded to ask Hicks many questions about that incident, only to be greeted with I OBJECT! each and every time. And Nadler clarified yet again that the White House is not invoking executive privilege, but rather just crying "absolute immunity!," a legal theory that came out of Pat Cipollone's dumb asshole.

11:49: Pp. 31-32:

NADLER: You ever discussed Trump trying to get Corey Lewandowski to obstruct justice for him, with your help, with anybody besides Mueller and your lawyers?


NADLER: You can't object to "have you EVER," you DUMBASS.

11:52: Page 34, paraphrase:

NADLER: How do you feel about that incident of obstruction of justice TODAY, Hope? You don't work at the White House TODAY, do you?


NADLER: Is it concerning that Trump would ask a private citizen to obstruct justice for him to impede a lawful investigation into the Russian attack on our elections?

HICKS: I would call it odd.

By God, she said something!

Of course, the White House lawyers objected after the fact, because how would Hope know she feels TODAY if those things hadn't happened while she was at the White House? Nadler literally said, "I'm sorry. Repeat that last sentence?" As in "Did that dumb fucking thing just come out of your mouth, accompanied by sounds produced by your vocal chords? Really?"

11:56: WHITE HOUSE HACK: Our objection stands!

NADLER: The fuck it does!

(p. 35)

11:59: Pp. 36-37, Hicks reads from a section of the Mueller report where Trump bitched and moaned about Sessions's recusal to the New York Times, and Hicks reportedly tried to throw herself between Trump and the reporters to make him STFU. Does she remember that? I OBJECT!

We are going to skim reading the rest of the stuff that is like this, because you get the idea. Will let you know when we get to stuff she DOES answer. Like, about the pee tape.

12:02: P. 37. NADLER: Did you tell Robert Mueller the truth?


NADLER: Did you do perjury to Robert Mueller?


12:05: Hey remember the other day when Trump was bitching on Twitter about Democrats supposedly taking perv pictures of Hicks during the hearing? Well! Turns out (p. 41) that there were people in the hearing room taking pictures, and Hicks's counsel said he felt like it was making Ms. Hicks uncomfortable and can Jerry Nadler please yell about that right now? So he did. So for the record, Nadler STOPPED people from taking pictures of Hope Hicks.

And now you know about another of Trump's lies.

12:11: On page 44, Rep. Sheila Jackson-Lee begins to question Hicks about that time in the campaign when WikiLeaks started dropping stolen Russian dirt, and the Trump campaign capitalized on it. And here, Hicks starts nitpicking, saying the campaign didn't have a RUSSIAN strategy, but just a strategy on how to use "publicly available information." (Which was public because Russia stole it and laundered it through WikiLeaks.)

She was asking because the Mueller Report indeed talks about how the Trump campaign welcomed those leaks and planned to use them to their full advantage. You know, the leaks that happened because the Russians committed a crime and stole information from the Democrats.

12:16: P. 45

SHEILA JACKSON-LEE: Do you agree the campaign benefited from the STOLEN CRIME DATA?

HICKS: Publicly available stolen crime data!

JACKSON-LEE: Stolen crime data!

HICKS: But it was on the internet right there!

12:21: P. 50

Jackson-Lee asks Hicks if she was ever ordered to make statements during the campaign about Trump's illegal hush money payments to Stormy Daniels or Karen McDougal. Hicks, after some back-and-forth, allowed that Trump directed her to say he had never had a relationship with McDougal. Did Hicks ever ask Trump if that was a giant lie, since we all know it was? NAH!

12:35: Pp. 54-55, paraphrase.

REP. JOE NEGUSE (D-CO): Do you have an opinion right now as to who hacked the Democrats' emails?

HICKS: I'm not here to say 'pinions.

NEGUSE: You are ... what?

HICKS: I agree with the intel community.


NEGUSE: You are an obvious idiot.

12:42: Hope Hicks testifies (p. 57) that she had no knowledge of Dipshit Jr.'s big hairy Russian Treason Trump Tower meeting before it happened. That is interesting, because the Mueller Report says there was a staff meeting before the treason meeting happened, where Junior gave a bit of a preview, and that it was attended by none other than Hope Hicks.


12:44: P. 61.

Doug Collins (REPUBLICAN RANKING IDIOT) asks Hicks how many times she's testified before Congress, and did she testify before the House Intel Committee. At which point White House Hack Purpura says "OBJECTION!" because she worked at the White House at the time, and remember, we are not allowed to talk about anything that ever happened to anyone in the entire world while Hope Hicks worked at the White House. (Wonkette can confirm that she did testify. That is when we found out Hicks is a WHITE LIAR who would tell "white lies" for Trump.)

This is so fucking stupid.

12:50: We're on page 68, and it's Louie Gohmert's turn, so you know shit's about to get weird.

1:15: Sorry, we are back! We had to "edit" a "thing" for "somebody else." But now we are reading Louie Gohmert! He would like to know how Hope Hicks feels about HILLARY hiring FOREIGN AGENT to do DODGY DOSSIER TO TRUMP! (This is because Republicans refuse to read the fucking law and find out why Hillary hiring an American intel company to do research abroad is not illegal, but taking campaign dirt for free from hostile foreign powers is totally illegal. Also, Louie Gohmert is the stupidest person on either side of the Mississippi he happens to be on at any given moment.)

1:19: Matt Gaetz's full contribution to the hearing (p. 69) is THIS HEARING SUX. What an absolute goddamn waste of space garbage human.

1:22: p. 73, paraphrase:

Doug Collins (R-HEE HAW) has fight with Dem. Rep. Ted Lieu, because Lieu has been live-tweeting.

COLLINS: No furr! ("fair")

LIEU: I've been tweeting the White House lawyers' objections because they're mindfuckingly stupid.

COLLINS; No furr! ("fair")

Questioning now goes to Norm Eisen, a fucking great lawyer.

1:36: And while Eisen is a totally fucking great lawyer, most of his questioning was getting the White House hacks on the record yet again that they are not asserting any kind of real privilege, but leaning on their very legal theory of "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!" That will go over great with the judge.

1:38: Zoe Lofgren reminds the class (p. 81) that in the Mueller Report, there were 170 CONTACTS between Trump campaign people and Russians, including 28 MEETINGS, and that if you include all the indictments that have come out, it spreads out to 272 CONTACTS and 38 MEETINGS.

Lofgren also reminds the class (p. 82) that Paul Manafort was sharing internal polling data WITH A RUSSIAN SPY -- remember that? It was specifically data on the Rust Belt states Trump "won" in 2016!

No collusion, though.

Hope Hicks says she didn't know nothin' about any of that.

1:42: Ted Lieu opens (p. 85) saying he's going to ask some things about Hope Hicks's time at the White House, to further show how fucking dumb the White House's claims of "absolute immunity" are:

LIEU: Absolute immunity is actually not a thing. It doesn't exist.

Notice that White House Hack #1 actually allows Hicks to say what the weather was like on her first day at the White House.

Next (p. 86) Lieu asks where Hicks's desk was in the West Wing. And the fuckers said I OBJECT!

Lieu asked where she ate lunch at White House. That question was OK! It was at her desk. (UNDISCLOSED LOCATION DESK.)

Did Trump ever talk to Hopey while she was eating her sammich? I OBJECT!

Mission accomplished, Ted Lieu!

1:48: Continuing with Lieu's questioning, we're gonna copy/paste from Jerry Nadler's summary of what happens next, because it's Friday and we're going out of town after this:

Ms. Hicks confirmed that Jared Kushner forwarded to the Secret Service a blackmail threat against President Trump purportedly made by Guccifer 2.0 (p 90), but that the campaign made no effort to contact the Secret Service about an email from Wikileaks to Don Trump Jr (p 91-92).

Uh HUH. Regular foreign interference? COOL. It only matters if it's not good for the campaign. That's kind of what Trump said to George Stephanopoulos, isn't it?

1:57: Hicks clarifies to Rep. David Cicilline (p. 99) that YOU ALL KNOW what she said about "white lies," and that she was never asked to lie about something IMPORTANT. You know, like denying Trump had a relationship with a woman he was doing hush-money payoffs to, named Karen McDougal, which was part of a campaign finance crime.

But nothing IMPORTANT.

2:05: P. 103

The White House hacks get SO MAD when Democrats keep pointing out that their claims of "absolute immunity" are absolute bullshit, and that it's really clear they discovered this "legal theory" inside Rudy Giuliani's and Pat Cipollone's assholes.


Notice how Rep. David Cicilline is like "No it's fine, we'll let a judge laugh at you later."

2:05: Hicks says (p. 104) that it's not that the campaign LOVED receiving stolen hacked information from Russia and WikiLeaks. It's more that they were RELIEVED to receive it. So we guess Dipshit Jr. misspoke when he typed, "If it's what you say, I LOVE IT, especially later in the summer." He should have said, "If it's what you say, OMG I'M SO RELIEVED, especially later in the summer."

2:20: Something just struck us on p. 109, with Hicks's denials that she had any idea about what might be happening regarding Russian inteference or collusion with the Trump campaign. As Cicilline is ticking off, asking her to recall conversations with various campaign members, she specifically says she really didn't have much interaction with Paul Manafort at all. He was the CAMPAIGN CHAIR. And what strikes us is that we've heard so much from so many Trump people that they don't remember Russian stuff, and we wonder if many of them just really don't. And we wonder how much interaction they had with Manafort.

Our point is that we think Manafort was the Russian point man, the guy passing the data to the Russians, and that he was willing to lie and go to prison to protect that secret. THAT is the story that still has got to find its way out, somehow. It makes a certain perverse kind of sense that Manafort would have wanted to keep his circle small, of people aware of what was really going on.

2:26: Page 110.

HICKS: "Like I said, I wasn't aware of what Paul was doing."

ASSIGNMENT FOR NERDS: Please find every transcript of every Trump campaign person and find out how much they say they knew about what Paul Manafort was up to.

2:34: Page 114. Ted Deutch just saying "huh weird, you guys didn't make up ABSOLUTE IMMUNITY and try to invoke that with Robert Mueller. Funny how you made it up JUST NOW." (Not his exact words.)

2:41: Page 119, Ted Deutch decides it's his turn to read Trump's crimes in the Mueller Report into the record, specifically all the times he tried to get Don McGahn to fire Robert Mueller, and his attempts to get McGahn to create false records saying Trump never tried to get him to obstruct justice in that way.

This is important because Hope Hicks's name comes up in those incidents, too. Unfortunately, Hope Hicks is not allowed to answer any questions about whether she participated in that particular crime, because "absolute immunity." Wheeee!

2:46: Page 124.

LOOOOORD, this is so stupid.

DEUTCH: Have you talked to Trump since you left the White House?

HICKS: Yeah.

DEUTCH: Who initiated that?


DEUTCH: Based on WHAT?

WHITE HOUSE HACKS: Uhhhhhhh ... sanctity of presidential communications!

HICKS: We had dinner.

DEUTCH: What did you talk about?


DEUTCH: Based on WHAT?

WHITE HOUSE HACKS: Maybe executive privilege at some time in the future but not right now?


We're about to just skip to the pee tape part and the Hope acknowledges Trump was totally serious about taking campaign dirts from foreigns part, and then we are GOING TO THE FUCKING LAKE.

2:51: Page 127:

HICKS: No collusion!

TED DEUTCH: And no obstruction?

HICKS: I can't talk about my time at the White House.

3:04: Page 131:

GOP Rep. Debbie Lesko has several copies of Mueller's report right here. Clearly hasn't read any of them.

3:18: Page 150-151, Hicks again states, this time to Rep. Steve Cohen, that she had NO KNOWLEDGE of Junior's fuckup treason meeting in Trump Tower before it happened. But yet again, she was apparently present for a staff meeting where that was discussed.


3:21: Rare moment of bipartisanship (p. 152) as Steve Cohen and Doug Collins agree that it's painful to realize that Hope Hicks was in high school in 2005, and that in 2005, both of them were already old.

3:23: OK, we are now leading up to a major moment, where Hicks says she's pretty sure Trump was serious VERY RECENTLY when he said he'd take dirt from a hostile foreign power (again).

It starts with Dem. Rep. Joe Neguse asking (p. 154) Hicks if she had gotten the email Don Jr. got, offering Russian dirt on Hillary "as part of Russia and its government's support" for Donald Trump, would she have gone to the Secret Service?

HICKS: That's a hypothetical.

Um, no, Hopey, that literally happened.

3:31: Page 162, the key exchange begins. We of course paraphrase:

NORM EISEN: Y'all ever report any of your one million Russian contacts to the FBI?


EISEN: Did you get a defensive briefing from the FBI to tell you what to do with foreign dirt from hostile powers?

HICKS: Nah, not to my knowledge.

EISEN: Remember when Trump looked at the camera and said "RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING"?

HICKS: Yep. It was kind of tongue-in-cheek, to be honest (you know, even though Russia literally tried to hack Hillary Clinton's personal server that very night to find the so-called "missing emails")

EISEN: Do you think Trump was being silly and tongue-in-cheek when he told George Stephanopoulos that he would gladly take foreign interference help from a hostile power in 2020?

HICKS: "I don't think that was a joke based on what I saw."

Well, she does know Trump better than almost anybody!

Eisen then asked, knowing what she knows now, would Hicks take hostile dirt from a foreign power? This was her verbatim answer, and it's obviously been sprinkled with Devin Nunes's cow farts, because it inexplicably says something about THE DOSSIER:

HICKS: "You know, knowing how much chaos has been sowed as a result of something like the Steele Dossier, no, I would not."


3:45: "ABSOLUTE IMMUNITY" expands! Here on page 170, we see that Hope Hicks is not allowed to talk about whether she told Robert Mueller about the staff meeting before the Trump Tower meeting (DURING THE CAMPAIGN), where Manafort said he'd be careful about getting too excited about Junior's Treason meeting, and you know why? Because her MUELLER INVESTIGATION interview happened while she was at the White House.

Even though they are talking about shit that happened DURING THE CAMPAIGN.

3:47: Page 171, even Hope Hicks seems to implicitly acknowledge that the White House's "absolute immunity" thing is really dumb, as she cannot answer questions about interviews about interviews about meetings, but she can talk about the meetings themselves, but blah blah blah blah blah blah. She says it is like the film called Inception. We agree!

3:55: Page 179, majority counsel reads from Michael Cohen's criminal information. Ms. Hicks, are you aware of THIS CRIME your boss committed? This particular time he was named in a federal guilty plea as a CRIMINAL? That's where he got the nickname "Individual-1"? Hicks says yes she was aware.

3:58: MAJORITY COUNSEL SARAH ISTEL: Trump doesn't use email. What would you do if you had to get in touch with him urgently?

HICKS: Oh, he usually picks up.

You know, because he's so busy. (p. 182)

4:04: Page 190, Hope Hicks DOES NOT agree with Donald Trump's conspiracy theory that the "Russia hoax" was "made up" to detract from his "yooge" victory.

4:10: OK kids, as promised, it's PEE TAPE TIME! (And TBH, we didn't know where in the transcript it came, or that it was this far in. Didn't mean to keep you waiting, for pee!)

After a back and forth with House counsel over what Hope Hicks knew about Michael Flynn's conversations with the Russian ambassador about sanctions, this line of questioning about the "Access Hollywood" tape begins (p. 195):

Now why would that have anything to do with the pee tape? LET US TELL YOU IT.

4:14: So, Hicks says (p. 196) that the day after the "Access Hollywood" tape came out, she reached out to Michael Cohen, not because of that tape, but because there were rumors of another TAPE. A pee tape. She heard about the rumors, she thinks, from Katrina Pierson, that asshole. So for some reason Katrina PIerson (that asshole) was aware of pee tape rumors. That would have been October 8, 2016.

So Hicks, being the comms person, feels she needs to "stay on top" of this rumor, to keep it from "spiraling out of control." (p. 197) So the person who told her, Pierson, apparently, said TMZ might have the tape. So she called Michael Cohen, because Cohen knows Harvey Levin, who works at TMZ.

Now, remember how the Date Of Pee Tape inception recently got moved back, in the Mueller Report? We all found out about it in the Steele Dossier, and the running story for the longest time had been that Trump found out about it from James Comey just before BuzzFeed published the dossier, which was January of 2017.

But then the Mueller Report told us this:

So on October 30, 2016, MICHAEL COHEN got a text from a Russian, Giorgi Rtskhiladze, who told him he "stopped flow" (LOL) of tapes from Russia. Rtskhiladze said rumor was people associated with the CROCUS GROUP had the tapes. CROCUS GROUP is the Agalarovs, Trump's longtime buddies who threw the pageant with him. (Kinda makes you see that music video Emin Agalarov did about the pee tape in a different light, don't it? A yellower light.) COHEN talked to TRUMP about it. RTSKHILADZE said he heard they were fake tapes, but he didn't tell COHEN that.

That is ... obviously not Mueller's verbiage. It is Wonkette's summary of Mueller's report. (Which means it's BETTER.)

Anyway, after the Mueller Report came out, the dude quoted above, Giorgi Fja;kjgiu;ieuwr;lqakjk;fdgjkLETTERSVOWELSMOSTLYCONSONANTSze, got very mad and accused Robert Mueller of doing pee tape libels and taking his pee words out of context, some real yellow journalism if you ask him, haw haw haw, we make light of somebody who is probably a very serious person.

But here we have HOPE texting COHEN the day after PUSSY TAPE because oh yeah by the way also PEE TAPE. Several weeks later, Cohen got a reassuring text from Giorgi &*)&*(&*)&*&%&%&%&%&$%#&!)%^*^()ovsky, saying don't worry, be happy, I "stopped the flow" of tapes from Russia.

The point is that Hope Hicks's testimony has yet again convinced us that the pee tape is totally real -- we could be wrong! -- and that seems like a good place to finish this liveblog, because it is Friday, and we are going to the lake.


[transcript / Nadler statement]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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